The end of the school year seems to be the most stressful time for busy families.
End of school parties, awards ceremonies, talent shows, exams, field day, graduation parties, high school graduations and college move outs and graduations. The calendars are full and if you are a parent who is divorced, your thoughts may be more focused on the navigation of these milestones and celebrations rather than the joy. Sound familiar?
Attending functions at your child’s school or attending a graduation are milestones parents do not want to miss. So how do parents embrace these sometimes difficult, awkward, yet necessary encounters? As a divorced parent, I have learned and am still learning what my kids most need during these times. Divorce is painfully complex and each member of the family unit carries a personal narrative- even young children. Leading up to an event may be dreadful and even seem unmanageable.
Remind yourself of the actual purpose of the occasion:
Who is it for?
What are we celebrating?
The joy and excitement of having family events is a privilege. Keep the focus on that. Set aside past hurts and resentment for the time being and focus on your child. Leave behind your vulnerability and insecurity during these moments.
For children of divorce, it can mean alot to merely see their parents exchanging a greeting or sitting near one another during a special event~ doesn’t mean the parents have to carry on a lengthy conversation. These small positive interactions slowly can begin to patch a child’s wounds from the traumatic experience of divorce. So, as a healthy parent not only are you healing pain and resentment within your own heart, you are allowing space for your children to begin the difficult journey of healing.
You will make mistakes, so plan on it; forgive yourself, apologize if necessary and continue to move forward. Hopefully, each encounter over the years will become a little easier, a new normal.
Written by: Stacey Shoemaker
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