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Anxiety, Self-doubt, Trauma

Why didn’t I fight back?

  • Posted By Summer Greenlee, LPC
  • on May 19,2021

You may have heard about the body’s danger responses: fight and flight. But there’s another secret weapon the body uses to defend itself: the freeze response.

The freeze response can make you feel paralyzed and numb. Instead of fighting or running away from a threat, you’re simply stuck, unmoving. You may panic on the inside and feel trapped in your head, or you may blank out, go limp, or feel like you’re floating away from yourself. In any case, the freeze response can also leave you riddled with self-blame, asking yourself, “Why didn’t I move? Why did I just let that happen to me?”

 

 

But the freeze response isn’t a conscious choice. It’s a totally automatic response to danger, just like fight or flight. When your body detects an immediate threat, it makes a split-second judgment on how to respond to best protect you.

For example, think about if you accidentally rest your hand on a hot stovetop. You don’t get a chance to stop and think about all your options while your hand burns. No, your body immediately jumps into action before you can blink! You may shout or pull your hand away before you realize what’s happening. The part of your brain that deals with planning and decision making doesn’t get a chance to figure out what to do in the situation – and that’s exactly what keeps your hand from getting burned even worse. Automatic responses are crucial to survival.  

 

 

The freeze response is the same way. It’s your body’s way of managing a threat it has judged as inescapable. Freezing can come in handy when you’re faced with a wild animal (holding still so maybe it ignores you) or an opponent much larger than you are (where fighting might just get you more hurt). In a hopeless situation, it can even protect you from feeling physical pain. Kids are especially likely to experience a freeze response when faced with a threat because they don’t have as much strength or as many options open to them as adults do.

But even as an adult faced with a situation where you can clearly get away or win a fight, your body might freeze instead. Again, it’s an automatic response your body chooses for you, not a conscious decision on your part. If your body is used to freezing to survive danger, it’s more likely to resort to that same familiar response.  

Others may have different automatic responses than you do to similar situations. It can be hard to resist the urge to compare, but one response isn’t better than any other. Fight, flight, and freeze are all necessary physical responses to threat.

If you want to learn more about what to do when you freeze, you can contact summer@eastdallastherapy.com or go to eastdallastherapy.com to set up an appointment. 


Self-Care, Trauma

Exhausted from Caretaking?

  • Posted By Summer Greenlee, LPC
  • on May 12,2021

Caretaking is an others-focused way of living where you spend most of your time and energy trying to help people. On the surface, it may look a lot like caring, but there are some key differences. For one, caretaking behavior is accompanied by the nagging underlying belief that “I don’t matter.”

Consider whether any of these signs of caretaking apply to you: 

·         I never ask others for help. 

·         I tend to be the giver in all my relationships. 

·         I believe if I can fix somebody’s problem, I must. 

·         I find myself listening to everyone else’s problems, but I rarely talk about my own.

·         I feel guilty telling others “no.”  

·         I believe others matter more than I do.

·         I tend to ignore my own needs. 

People who struggle with caretaking come across as very selfless. They listen more than they speak. They are quick to empathize and lend a helping hand. They shower others with encouragement. But too often, the compassion they extend to others is not something they give to themselves. 

The result? Exhaustion. It is common for those who caretake to live in a constant cycle of burnout. When they have energy, it’s quickly spent on those who’ve come to depend on them. That can cause the person caretaking to feel depleted, fearful, depressed, or even resentful. They may isolate themselves from others until they finally have energy to spend again, only to be drained once more.  

There are many reasons why you might find yourself trapped in this cycle. Maybe you grew up in an environment that overemphasized self-sacrifice and labeled getting your needs met as selfish. Or maybe you took on the parentified role in your family, expected to look after your siblings or parents from a very young age. Caretaking is also a common result of trauma. Feelings of shame reside at the core of trauma, and often those who carry shame try to battle against it by people-pleasing to gain approval. But the sense of finally being good enough is always fleeting. 

So how do you break the cycle? Start to focus more on you. Putting forth the effort to heal and grow frees us up to be more caring to others! When we learn how to meet our own needs, there is less exhaustion, fear, and shame holding us back. 

It also helps to remember the motto, “never do for others what they can do for themselves.” Encouraging others to use the tools they have empowers people to feel more capable and confident in themselves. For example, rather than making it your life mission to cheer up a depressed friend, truly caring for them might still involve listening, but also reminding them of the things they can do that help them feel better.

You’ll be much better prepared to care for others when you’ve had time to tackle your own problems, recharge, and show compassion to yourself. Caretaking comes from a place of depletion, but caring comes from a place of wholeness.


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