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Anxiety, Depression, Self-Care, Self-doubt

Family and COVID and Boundaries and Christmas

  • Posted By Morgan Myers, LPC
  • on December 12,2020

I wrote on this topic last year. I am just coming back to look over what I wrote for Christmas 2020, and it strikes me how much has changed. So much of our emotional experience has had to stay beneath the surface since the world turned upside down. We haven’t had the chance to process all that we have just experienced. But those emotions are still there: the uncertainty about the future, the self-doubt in our decisions, the fear, and the outrage at other’s decisions about politics or wearing a mask. 

Not only are we processing the Covid-world, but the holidays always stir up our past family experiences. We can be sent back to that child-version of ourselves when we get around family. (You can read more about this in my post about this from last year) As we try to make plans for the holiday this year, it can leave us feeling frozen in making decisions, or wanting to run away, or wanting to say yes to everything to please everyone. 

If there was EVER a time to get clear about what you need (your boundaries), it’s now.

So I encourage you to take a minute and listen to your own voice- what you need. I list a few ways to do this below. It can be so easy to get swept away in our family’s plans or our own fears. So when you think about how to handle the holidays, where to spend your time, or what to say no to, take a pause before you respond. If you’ve already responded and regret it, it’s ok to change your mind. Of course we have to consider our physical health and other’s health. But then make sure to consider emotional health. What your heart might need this year is to celebrate with people safely or what you may need is a quiet holiday with a few loved ones. It’s ok to speak up for those needs. 

This year will be the ultimate test in boundaries for us all.

You are forced to speak up for what you need knowing you might disappoint people. You might take more risks and face the judgement of friends. Or you might be more cautious and face judgement from family. But listening to your needs will ultimately lead you to a place of confidence and security. You’ll feel happier and more authentic in your relationships. You’ll be able to be present during this beautiful and restorative season.

If we can be reflective and slow down, we can embrace this season with our whole hearts. So when you have a quiet moment of reflection, here are some ways to acknowledge your emotions during the holidays without letting them run the show:

  • In a safe, quiet place (so probably not in the laundry room while everyone is waiting for you to come back so they can open presents), try to identify your fears, anxieties, and needs.
  • Remind yourself you are not that child anymore. You have more tools, more control, and more awareness now.
  • Reflect on what your own nuclear family needs and make space for those needs.
  • Open up your hand to what the holiday can be now so you don’t get stuck in what it used to be or what you imagined it would be. Stay flexible.
  • Know the difference between wisdom and fear. Wisdom can take a calculated risk- it can image a positive outcome, as well as an unfortunate outcome. Wisdom is slow and reflective. Fear is reactive and visceral. It can’t image a positive outcome and gives you tunnel vision. Wisdom is the path that leads to more joy even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes. Fear leads to anxiety and hiding.

If you need to process wisdom and fear in your life, reach out. We want to hear your story. Email me morgan@eastdallastherapy.com or click here to book an appointment.


Anxiety, Self-Care

How to stress less during the holidays

  • Posted By Morgan Myers, LPC
  • on December 9,2020

How do you relax when you…

Have family expecting things of you, have kids running around, messes everywhere, your diet is off, you aren’t exercising, you’re trying not to feel guilty for what you’re eating, you’re taking off work, you’re trying to work and take off work, you’re financially stressed, you’re physically stressed, you’re emotionally stressed AND you’re mentally stressed!!!

We’re all facing stress this year like no other year. It feels like every decision we make could have detrimental consequences and yet many of us are so ready to be with family and relax and celebrate during a season of (supposed) joy!

Over on our Instagram I spoke with a local chiropractor, Dr. Bethany Roggendorf at Family Wellness at White Rock about how to reduce our stress during this season. She talked about how stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol aren’t “bad” but they can be overactive in our bodies and it’s our job to regulate them.

Here are some of her tips for relaxation:

  1. Take time for your freakin self! However that looks for you!
  2. Give yourself grace with your diet and consider not weighing at all during this season.
  3. Remember its not what you do in one day that matters as much as what you do DAILY. So one day (as in Christmas Day) won’t break your health, it’s those daily choices throughout the year.
  4. Think about getting OUTSIDE to walk or exercise
  5. Do low tech or no tech activities.

Some helpful resources on stress

From Dr. Roggendorf

  • The podcast Model Health Show specifically the episode 417 where he interviews stress experts
  • The Stress Solution book
  • And the TED talk from Dr. Kelly McGonagal called “How to Make Stress Your Friend”

Read more about Dr. Roggendorf here.


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