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Parenting, Self-Care, Uncategorized

5 Tips for Talking to Your Child about their Differences

  • Posted By Kate Miller, LPC
  • on September 8,2020

You (& your child) get to decide how and when to share your child’s diagnosis and details related to their functioning with people even when they ask. Being curious doesn’t entitle someone to an answer. It can be helpful to have a planned response for such times, such as: “ Thanks for being concerned/interested in (child’s name). We choose not to discuss that with you right now.” 

1. Have an “elevator pitch answer” ready to go.

Sometimes people will ask about your child’s difference and you may want a quick way to explain it. Think of this like the elevator pitch that salespeople learn. They have a speech where they can pitch their product in the time it takes the elevator to get them to their floor. I have Cerebral Palsy and my elevator speech to a curious adult is, “Thanks for asking. My diagnosis is Cerebral Palsy. It is a neurological problem caused by premature birth and it affects my balance and the tightness of the muscles in my legs.” I also explain this to kids a lot, in the playroom at work and in public places like the grocery store. I usually say something like this, “ You’re really paying attention! You noticed that I walk differently from other people. I have Cerebral Palsy, that means that my brain which is like a big computer has a little difference. Instead of telling my muscles to work like most people’s do, my brain tells my muscles to be tight all the time and my body is always a little off balance.”

2. Look to your child to see how much is appropriate to share.

If your child is able, discuss with them how and when they want to discuss their difference with friends, classmates, etc. If they are unable to communicate verbally, pay attention to the ways they do communicate with you to gauge their awareness and level of comfort with these conversations and adjust accordingly. 

3. Sometimes it’s helpful to officially share about your child’s differences

For some families, it feels most helpful to have the child address their class at the beginning of the school year and explain their difference so that they can have some more control over how their difference is understood. 

4. This isn’t the end all be all, you can adjust the way you communicate at each developmental stage.

These conversations will need to be tweaked over time as your child grows both developmentally and socially. Sometimes different people or situations will require different conversations. Be willing to shape and change your explanations, as it feels right to you, your child and your family. Trust yourself and your child when navigating these situations. Also, be patient with yourself and your child. These conversations may bring up difficult feelings or painful interactions. 

5. Remember to prioritize self-care!

Having conversations where you or your kid explain their difference can be difficult but even when they are good conversations they can still leave you feeling depleted. Self-care is important. This could be journaling, going for a run or making time to talk to trusted friends. Your child also needs self-care during this time. It can be time alone doing a favorite activity  or  engaging with family or friends to play or talk through their feelings. 

Book an appointment with Kate Miller, LPC

Parenting

Life doesn’t always look like a scene from “The Sandlot”

  • Posted By Kate Miller, LPC
  • on August 6,2020

By Kate Miller, LPC

As adults, it is easy to edit our childhood memories to an idyllic time in our lives. It’s true there are things about childhood that are wonderful: having long summer days to play, ride bikes, play Barbies or get lost in the Harry Potter series until your parents tell you to come home to eat a dinner you didn’t have to plan, cook, or pay for. You could just be a kid. 

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always look like a scene from the movie The Sandlot. The reality of childhood often looks different from our rose-colored memories. There are lots of challenges and transitions that children feel deeply leaving them feeling: disconnected, frustrated, scared, anxious or afraid. There are many challenges that children face and just as some adults handle changes differently the same is true for children. So, while for some the transition from one school to another is exciting and new friends are made easily, other children will struggle to find their place there. Your best friend’s oldest child may have easily transitioned from being the only child to being the big sister and took on her new role with excitement. However, your child is throwing multiple tantrums every day (maybe even after you thought the tantrum phase was over) and trying to send the new baby back to the hospital (or worse)! You may find yourself wondering what you’re doing wrong, that your child cannot adjust to normal life transitions.

Childhood may have brought challenges to your child’s life that even you struggle to understand and accept. Maybe your child has a been diagnosed with a disability or ADD, anxiety or another child mental health disorder. You may find yourself grappling with how to help your child. It’s so easy to have endless what-ifs, doctor’s appointments…

It is often the case that when a child is given a serious diagnosis all of the family’s focus and energy goes to the child with the diagnosis and the sibling or siblings can feel lost and forgotten. You may find yourself feeling completely unprepared to parent in these circumstances.

For your family this may not be ‘a difficult season’ but ‘your ongoing reality’ and you find yourself feeling overwhelmed.

If you found yourself resonating with any of these scenarios, take courage, there is help and hope. Your child is not ruined or lost forever. They need support to find their voice, process their pain and find their own way to connect and contribute to others. Play therapy can help children and parents on this journey. They will not have the idyllic childhood of our edited memories (because those childhoods are only real in our imaginations) but there are moments of connection and fulfillment yet to come. 

Play therapy is a developmentally appropriate way for children to process what is going on in their lives. We are highly trained and ready to meet with you. Read more about our child therapist here.

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