self-doubt Archives • East Dallas Therapy

What You Resist, Persists

It’s a paradox but it’s true. The more we try to push something away the more is seems to follow us. We do this with negative thoughts or bad memories. We feel it coming on and we try to push past it. Depending on how you’re wired, you might struggle against those thoughts. Or you might give in and let them flood you. Either way, it is persisting in your mind, sometimes getting caught in your body.

I struggle with self-doubt. Sometimes I feel not good enough. I strive to be better and be more. I feel like I need to earn my rest, and I think I have to prove that I belong.

These kinds of thoughts pop up all the time. I have let anxiety take me under in times of my life. And I have wrestled with it and tried to rise above it in other times in my life. But after trying both of these, I can tell you, my fears and limiting beliefs still persisted.

I have discovered that what seems to take the power out of these thoughts is acceptance as I’ve read about acceptance and commitment therapy created by Dr Russ Harris. These thoughts are like a giant scary monster towering over me, when I choose acceptance rather than to wrestle, the air is released, and it deflates.

A few things about acceptance:

It doesn’t mean you are letting yourself live according to that belief, fear or though.
It doesn’t mean it will never change.
It won’t make you feel instantly happier.

But what acceptance DOES DO:

It regulates the nervous system so you can make choices rather than reacting out of emotions.
After acceptance you can commit to a different action, behavior or thought.
It helps you accept where you are now, then commit to changing.
You build self-compassion rather than shaming yourself.

Wanna know more about this??

Read The Happiness Trap

Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

6 Places to Make Friends

I have noticed a trend in the last few years as a therapist. So many people talk about feeling isolated and lonely. I think we don’t know how to make friends as adults! It’s like dating, but with less social structure around it.

Finding a new friend requires you to show up to “dates” with new friends (strangers), not knowing what they are like. It can feel vulnerable, boring, and time consuming! So, this is your encouragement to keep trying! Commit to those people in your life regularly. Convenience is sometimes more important than finding someone you perfectly click with.

Relationships are based in shared experiences. That means you have to show up over and over and build those memories together. There are people out there with the same desires as you. I KNOW people in your community want connection and real relationships that will last a lifetime just like you do. None of us want to go into the next few decades of your life as an island trying to be self-sufficient.

Here are some easy ways to meet new friends.

1. Join a running club or workout group. Some of my faves are: Caulfield Dance, Bar Method, and Dallas Running Club

2. Attend an artsy workshop- Rachel Larlee Creates, Dallasites list of art workshops

3. Attend an art opening or lecture- Art House Dallas has so many amazing events

4. Start a book club in your neighborhood (remember convenience is important!)

5. Throw a patio party. Invite who you know and have them invite someone else!

6. For new moms, join your neighborhood moms’ group- most areas have one that holds events for you with or without babies.

With most of these activities this won’t launch you into deep relationships. It will take you stepping out and engaging with people. So, after getting comfortable in some of these settings ask if people to do something else. It WILL NOT feel natural at first, but it will grow over time.

I want to normalize how weird this process is as an adult! But it’s possible to build a community that brings you fulfillment and connection.

Anxiety, Depression, Self-doubt

3 Ways to release the self-doubt that holds you back

1. Self-doubt=fear- Let go of fear by naming it for what it is.

And no one ever made a good decision out of fear.

It’s easy to let our lives take the shape of whatever we’re reacting to, whatever we’re retreating from. Like being afraid to take a risk in a relationship and feeling more isolated, afraid to speak up for what you believe and let the conversation continue while you’re feeling more and more unconfortable. Being led by fear inevitably leads you down path you never intended to go down. If you want to change course, you have to release your fear first. This looks like naming it. “I’m afraid to be vulnerable with my husband because he may reject me.” “I’m afraid to say what I think about social justice because I’ll be labeled as liberal or judgmental.” Sometimes just naming your fears to yourself can be freeing.

2. Disobey that voice inside that says you “should _________”

In an effort to grow or change, we cut ourselves off at the knees and box ourselves in. One little life-hack I like to do is disobey that little voice. We all have the subconscious rules for ourselves- we can only speak for so long in conversations, we can’t disagree with someone, we aren’t the kind of person who speaks up for what we need. This can really begin to box you in. Try to disobey these rules sometimes and see how it feels! If your self-doubt keeps you from speaking up, try disobeying it. If you have a rule about how much you speak in a conversation, go on talking!

3. Know the difference between fear and wisdom.

Fear overgeneralizes, projects into the future (when we actually have no idea what the future holds), fear has a negative bias about the possibilities and our capabilities. Wisdom sounds like cautious consideration and openness. Wisdom does it’s due diligence but is willing to take risks. Wisdom is usually found by asking around, doing research, AND trusting your gut.Does this make sense? Does this hit home?

A little about me:

A little about me… I help women who feel boxed in by self-doubt, criticism and the expectations of others. Some women come to me burned out and wanting to understand where they went wrong. Sometimes women come in to process their past pain from church and religion- rejection, dark night of the soul, legalism, or doubt in God. It can be so difficult to even know what we need, let alone asking for those needs to be met. Many of my clients are trying to cope with depression or stress from this season of life. Sometimes we work on healing their past pain so they can grow and move on. More about me here.

I walk along side you through the pain and self-awareness into a happier more hopeful life.

I also have a side-project called Motherlift. I founded it alongside my Doula sister- Macy Morrow. Motherlift is an educational platform for mothers in every stage of motherhood. We help women from pregnancy through parenting cope with all the changes, chaos, and challenges that come with the role of motherhood. It’s a total blast! Check it out here.