Anxiety, Couples Counseling, Depression, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Self-doubt, Trauma, Uncategorized

Restoring Trust

If the integrity of your relationship has been violated due to a harmful choice or behavior by either party, there are steps that you can take to restore trust and intimacy within the relationship. 

There is no one size fits all approach for handling a trust violation in a relationship, however, there are ways to begin the process of repairing the relationship. 

Here are 4 actionable steps that you can take to begin the process of healing:

Step 1:
Take 100% accountability. 

Accountability is twofold. Accountability includes (1) acknowledgement of your wrongdoings and (2) not offering excuses to suggest that you couldn’t help doing what you did. 

Developing empathy in a relationship is crucial. The most effective way to do so is to imagine yourself in your partner’s shoes. Ask yourself, how did my actions affect my partner’s life? Did my behavior cause damage to their sense of self-worth? 

Taking accountability for your mistakes and acknowledging the impact helps you to avoid invalidating your partner’s emotions. 

Step 2:
Offering an apology and asking your partner what can be done to rectify the situation and repair the damage. 

Create an amends plan or contract to demonstrate your commitment to the relationship. An amends plan is a guide for navigating a breach of trust or betrayal; it  generally includes an outline for what changes will be made on a personal and relational level. It will include actions and activities that indirectly restore your partner’s faith and trust in you.  

For example, “Allow access to social media passwords, computer, phone, etc.” “Increase quality time with my partner and enjoy a date night every Friday.” 

Your amends plan will need to be tailored to your relationship’s specific needs. Including your partner in the creation of the plan helps to show your devotion to your partner’s needs. 

Step 3:
Making a promise to not betray your partner in the future and to follow-through with the actions you have promised. 

Relationship check-ins at various intervals can help keep you on track and provide you with more of an understanding of what relationship needs are not being met and what promises have not been kept. 

Step 4:
Communicating with your partner if you feel you are unable to follow through with promises made. 

Increasing communication and vulnerability with your partner promotes emotional connection and intimacy. In order to repair and reconnect, you have to give your partner something to connect to. Secrecy, blame, anger, disengagement, and control do not provide connection points for repairing trust and faith in a relationship.

 In seeking to mend a fractured relationship, the willingness to work on the relationship and reconstruct the trust that was broken is crucial.

Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationships

How to bring back spontaneity in your relationship

It takes ongoing effort to keep a relationship fresh and lively. In today’s society, it can be easy to become critical of our own relationship when we focus on what others are doing and how others are prioritizing their relationships. 

If you find yourself comparing your relationship to others’ and their relationships often seem more exciting or fulfilling than yours, this can lead to an overall dissatisfaction in your own relationship. We all know the saying, “the grass is not always greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.” Watering our own grass requires a more mindful approach to nurturing our relationship. Rather than focusing on what is missing in the relationship, we make a conscious choice to devote our time and energy to finding ways in which we can enhance our relationship. 

One way that we can begin mindfully pouring into our relationship is by planning spontaneous activities that break us out of our old mold. If you are looking to increase spontaneity and rekindle the flame, try this strategy:

  • 1. Make a list of things that you and your partner have done that he or she considered romantic, exciting, or fun.
  • 2. Find articles online for things to do with your partner, focusing on novelty, variety, and romance. Write down the ideas that you would consider doing.
  • 3. Once a week, get out your list and look it over for inspiration. Plan a time to surprise your partner with your activity.
  • 4. Get your partner in on the action and together, add to the list any ideas you have for spending quality time with one another.

Our favorite links to ideas:

17 fun things to do as a couple

30 things to do with your partner other than binge-ing Netflix

For more relationship advice, reach out to Hollie! Read more about her here.