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Deconstruction, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Trauma, Uncategorized

resilience during times of adversity

Many families encounter various trials and hardships, some more than others.

During difficult times , each family member’s experience is unique and becomes and integral part of their life narrative.
  • Relocating/New school
  • Traumatic event
  • Changing of parental roles
  • Divorce
  • Terminal illness
  • Financial stress
  • Death of a loved one
  • Mental illness in parent/sibling

Resilience has been described as the ability to successfully adapt and overcome extremely adverse life experiences (Happer, Brown, & Sharma-Patel, 2017). Adversity comes in all shapes and sizes and does not have to be extreme to make an imprint. The individual, their families, and their social environment all play an important role in the development and nurturing of resilience. In addition, each person’s individual genetic makeup dictates how one reacts and navigates through adversity.

Recognizing opportunities to foster resilience within your child or adolescent plays an important role in parenting. Allowing your child the freedom to make mistakes enables them to rely on their inner strength and tenacity- which promotes independence. Children that possess a healthy sense
of control within normal limits and protective measures in place can flourish in this type of environment.

As parents, we can help shape our child’s negative experiences into lifetime lessons. Children are resilient by nature yet at the same time are deeply impacted by positive and negative factors which exist within their upbringing.

Consider these characteristics found in resilience:

  • Possessing a sense of purpose
  • The ability to set and maintain goals
  • Perseverance
  • Self-motivation

What life experiences has your family endured? Where did you notice resilience within yourself?  What characteristics of resilience do you see within your child/adolescent?

 Written by: Stacey Shoemaker
Reach out today to book with Stacey!
Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

i’m bored

Summertime is finally here! 

School is out, no more tests, and the next thing parents hear from kid is “ I’m bored”!   Although summer is a time for relaxing, kids thrive on routine. It is important as a family to find a balance that works, especially during the summer months.

When kids become grumpy, frustrated, annoying a sibling, going against rules, or simply just wandering around, it’s time to suggest an option. Having a “bag of tricks” so to speak is key in helping your child find constructive things to do when bored. Providing choices enables your child to have ownership in how their time is spent.
Formulating a simple daily routine at home will foster responsibility and help curb the inevitable feeling of boredom. Below are some helpful tips:
 
~ map out a predictable routine together as a family and post it in kitchen
~ brainstorm simple tasks or activities kids can do alone and write down on
small pieces of colored paper. Place in a jar and when someone asks”
what can I do?” the Summer fun time jar will be waiting!
~ make a chore chart and earn small amounts of money for each chore.
This builds independence and kids can practice their math skills !

Examples of tasks/activities:

  • Board game
  • Puzzle
  • Find toys to donate
  • Call a relative
  • Help a neighbor
  • Go to the public library
  • Build something with random items
  • Organize something
  • Write someone a letter

Staying connected as a family and avoiding Summer time stress is important! Reach out to us at East Dallas Therapy for additional support. We look forward to working with our ongoing clients once school is back and can’t wait to meet someone new that may want to give therapy a try!

 Written by: Stacey Shoemaker
Reach out today to book with Stacey!
About, Kids Mental Health, Uncategorized

ADHD & parenting: when to seek a diagnosis

ADHD is one of those strange things that feels like it’s everywhere… 

and it seems like everyone has either a formal or informal diagnosis of ADHD.

This leads many parents to wonder, are these behaviors from my kid “normal to their age” and a stage they will outgrow or is this something that needs to be diagnosed?
 

Here are some things to consider:

 

-Has my child always had difficulty with focus, impulsivity or executive functioning tasks?

 

-Does my child seem emotionally delayed compared to his/her friends?

 

-Do I (or does my child’s other parent) have an ADHD diagnosis, or would this diagnosis make sense for other family members?

 

-Does your child have gross motor difficulties (would you call them clumsy or accident prone)?

 

-Is your child or family going through a time of stress, loss or transition?

 

-Is there a significant spike in the number of students suggested diagnosis in your child’s class or school?

 

-Do you have a gut feeling one way or another? As a parent you are the expert on your child and your parent gut is very important and we want to make sure that is given space. 

 

Please reach out if you would like to discuss a possible ADHD diagnosis for your child.

 Written by: Kate Miller, LPC
 
About, Kids Mental Health, Uncategorized

ADHD & parenting: emotional development

Children with ADHD can have up to a 3-year emotional delay.

This means that your 9 your old with ADHD’s disappointment will feel much more like a first grader’s emotional reaction than the peers in his class.

Therefore, it is important to get ahead of these emotional storms and to teach your child the coping skills that will support him even when you are not there to help him regulate. 
 
Build in time to help your child release their built-up emotions. In play therapy we do an activity called Cleaning out your emotional backpack where after school while having a snack the child talks through the good things and the hard things that happened that day (drawing or journaling also works great). We also recommend giving your child some physical release before switching to getting homework done or after school activities. 
 
We also use the window of tolerance to help children identify their level of emotional regulation and what they might need to move from a place of dysregulation (yellow, orange, red) back to a place of regulation and calm (green).
 
This can be used at school and the child may need to use a fidget or the opportunity to leave the classroom and walk in the hall for a few minutes to return to calm after something difficult has happened. These can be written into the child’s IEP (Individual Education Plan). The therapist can help the parent prepare for the ARD and what to ask for from the school. The therapist will also work with the parents to create a plan to support the child and the family to make things function well.
 Written by: Kate Miller, LPC
 
Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

strengthening the connection with your teen

Are you a parenting teen?

Navigating the teenage years can be a challenging yet transformative experience for both you and your teenager. As a psychotherapist who works with teenagers dealing with anxiety and trauma, I understand the importance of attunement in nurturing a healthy parent-teenager relationship. In this blog post, I’ll provide you with two concrete examples of how you can attune to your teenagers’ needs.

Example 1: Active Listening

Imagine your teenager comes home from school, visibly upset. They may have had a tough day dealing with academic pressures, social dynamics, or other challenges. Here’s how you can use active listening to attune to their emotions:

Create a Safe Space: Find a quiet, comfortable spot where you can talk without distractions. Let your teenager know you’re there to listen and support them.

Listen Actively: Pay full attention to what they’re saying. Maintain eye contact, nod, and use verbal cues like “I see” or “Tell me more” to show you’re engaged.

Avoid Judgment: Even if you don’t fully understand or agree with their perspective, refrain from passing judgment. This is a moment for them to express their feelings without fear of criticism.

Reflect Back: After they’ve shared, paraphrase what you’ve heard to ensure you understood correctly. For example, you could say, “It sounds like you had a tough time with your classmates today.”

By actively listening, you provide a safe and empathetic space for your teenager to express their emotions, fostering a stronger connection.

Example 2: Validation and Empathy

Teenagers often grapple with a range of emotions and self-discovery. Here’s how you can use validation and empathy to support them:

Acknowledge Their Feelings: When your teenager expresses their emotions, validate their feelings by saying something like, “I can see that you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”

Empathize with Their Experience: Share your understanding by saying, “I remember how tough it was when I was your age and dealing with similar situations.”

Avoid Minimizing or Dismissing: Refrain from saying things like, “It’s not a big deal” or “You’ll get over it.” Such responses can invalidate their emotions.

Offer Comfort: Sometimes, a simple, reassuring hug can convey your support and understanding when words may fall short.

By validating your teenager’s emotions and showing empathy, you let them know that their feelings are valid, which can significantly boost their self-esteem.

In conclusion, attuning to your teenagers is an essential aspect of nurturing a healthy parent-teenager relationship. By actively listening and validating their emotions, you create an environment where they feel heard and understood. Remember that it’s a continuous process, and building trust takes time. Be patient with yourself and your teenager as you work together to strengthen your connection.

Your role as a parent plays a crucial part in helping your teenager navigate the challenges of adolescence. Your attunement can provide them with the emotional support they need to cope with anxiety and trauma effectively, ultimately contributing to their sense of self-worth and well-being.

Keep these examples in mind as you continue your journey as a parent, and don’t hesitate to reach out for professional guidance if needed. Your commitment to attunement will make a significant difference in your teenager’s life.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

self-compassion for parents

Parents in this generation are working hard to acknowledge their kids’ emotions and be understanding when something that might seem silly to us is big in their world.

So, when your daughter is excited to invite her friend to come over and play after school but feels disappointed when her friend can’t come today, you would not say, “Oh come on, it’s no big deal, don’t be a baby and you absolutely cry in public. The only places you can cry are in the bathroom and alone in the car.” Any parent who said those things to their kid would realize that they owe their child an apology.                                                               

However, for many of us this is how we talk to ourselves when we face a disappointment or frustration. We are not allowed to have big feelings. We have to listen to that drill sergeant in our heads and bottle up those feelings until they spew and sometimes, they leave a huge mess in their wake. In order to parent from a place of love and belonging you must start from a place of love and belonging for yourself, imperfectly being patient with yourself as you learn and grow as a human and as a parent.

If you were supposed to have a date night and your spouse had an emergency at work and had to stay it’s ok to feel disappointed and even more so it’s ok for your kids to know that you were looking really forward to your date night tonight and now, it’s not going to happen. This gives you space to be a human with feelings and it normalizes feelings for your kids.  Even moms and dads sometimes feel disappointed or have to change things when they don’t want a change.

It’s also a great opportunity to let your child contribute and support you. They might offer you a hug, a special song or to take a walk, like you do with them when they feel like you do now. They get to practice empathy and see what it is like to process real emotions in a healthy way.

Be kind to yourself like you’re kind to your babies.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

The Holiday Overload

The tinsel, the lights, the wrapping of gifts, the overload of food and cheersing ourselves into oblivion. 

 If ever there is a time of sensory overload it is the holidays. 

Too much to take in with our eyes:  the lights, the wish lists, decorations in every spare space.

With our ears: holiday songs on repeat, kids screeching excitedly or fully melting down, dogs howling at the fireworks

With our noses: heavy holiday foods, holiday candles of every possible concoction including winter sweater and Christmas sugar cookie, fire… did I leave something in the oven or is that just the fireplace?

With our mouths: sugary treats, savory delights, candy being offered to us and our kids at every turn, holiday greetings hoping we remembered to ask about the right things and people and didn’t step in it by asking about the boyfriend who didn’t make it past thanksgiving! 

With our hands: checking off lists, baking, wrapping gifts, shopping. Judging which sweater is just the right weight for her, wiping tears off cheeks, soothing disappointed kids, and grieving loved ones. Carefully cleaning up broken ornaments, hot candle wax dripping onto our hands as we try to stop and remember the sacred in the midst of the chaotic.

After all of this, it seems as though a rest might be in order but instead our culture demands we set aside our noise makers and glasses of champagne and decide our goals for the new year: GET FIT! GET ORGANIZED! GET THAT PROMOTION! THIS IS YOUR YEAR!

This may be your year to truly hustle and get all those goals accomplished before the calendar turns to February, but maybe you, like me, need to slow down and re-group before you start crushing your goals.

Maybe for you January looks like:

-Slowly take down all your holiday decorations and let things be a little barer around your home than it is the rest of the year, to give your eyes a rest. 

-Spending time in silence, either as a spiritual practice or just giving your mind and ears a rest. Instead of listening to a podcast on your way to work or kid music in the morning, maybe it would help to make space for silence. 

-Eating simple meals made at home to enjoy more slowly and to have less clean up. 

-Consider putting some of your gifts away out of sight until you can use them. If you got several books for Christmas but only put the one you’re reading on your nightstand and put the rest away. Or if you got a new candle but the one on the side of your tub still has a lot of life in it, put the new one in the cabinet and it will be a fun treat later in the year. Rotating toys, some in the closet, some in the toybox can make playing more enjoyable for kids, even though it may be hard on the front end. 

-Lastly, make a list of the things that help you feel rested and add some of them into your January. These things might be: Sunday afternoon naps, Family movie night, having your home professionally cleaned twice a month, walks by the lake, reading books regularly. Take some time in January to figure out what you and your family need to feel rested and then set clear goals for the new year.

Wishing you and yours a calm and contented 2023.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Your child’s teacher thinks they have ADHD… now what?

Some things to consider before jumping to labels or medication:

–Breathe, relax. A teacher recommending getting a child assessed for ADHD isn’t the same thing as your child receiving a diagnosis. This doesn’t mean that your child is already labeled with this diagnosis. You are allowed to question them, take some time to determine what is best for you, AND get a second opinion outside the school.

–You might want to talk to someone you trust who either has ADHD or has a child with ADHD to get a more personal take of what it looks and feels like for them. It is true that ADHD exists on a spectrum and different people experience it differently, but it can help to get a ‘real life’ perspective and see how it resonates with you at all. 

–Talk to people in other settings and get their experience with your child. The indicators of ADHD have to be present in at least 2 settings for it to be diagnosable. If your child only shows those behaviors at school, for example, then you might be talking about a different issue. These people could be grandparents, your kid’s soccer coach or their teacher from last year. 

–Make a list of all of your questions and your fears, no matter how catastrophic or trivial they might seem. Then decide what you really want to know and bring them to a professional you trust to assess your child. Often counselors will do a discovery call, or introduction call to see if they are a good fit for you. (Read more about our approach here)

–Be honest about what you want or need in getting your child assessed.  If you are strongly opposed to medicine, be clear about that. Or if you have a full schedule, be clear about what therapies, coaching or tutoring you can commit to in order to address ADHD. 

At EDT we understand that even the suggestion that your child may be differently wired or need a diagnosis can be scary or overwhelming. We are happy to speak with you about your family’s needs and explain how our assessment process works. If we are the right fit for your child, we would be honored to walk through this experience with you and your child.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Holistic ADHD treatment options

At East Dallas Therapy, we believe our clients have many solutions to their problems. In our practice, we’re in a unique position as family counselors to give you and your child the attention you need to provide an in-depth evaluation and ADHD assessment. After we provide an assessment, we coach parents on their communication and help kids learn to express, identify and regulate their emotions.  As we often tell clients here there are many stops on the bus before we get to medication.

Check out some of these holistic aids for ADHD:

Occupational Therapy:

ADHD is a neurological difference and occupational therapy helps activate positive chemicals in the brain using physical exercise and cranial-sacral therapy. For our child clients, we have seen occupational therapy help with concentration, calming big emotions like anxiety and build their organization and planning skills. We highly recommend North Texas Therapy Innovations, a family OT clinic that has been active in this community for decades. Check out this article about occupational therapy for children with ADHD

Supplements:

Your child’s pediatrician or occupational therapist will be able to recommend which supplements may be appropriate and helpful. Like many differences in the body and brain, ADHD exists on a spectrum and different people struggle more profoundly with certain elements of ADHD (i.e. attention, planning, focus, emotional regulation, etc.). A doctor who knows your child’s specific needs can help you decide how to use supplements.  Look at this article on the positive effects of supplements. 

Get moving:

It is often hard for ADHD kids to remain still for long periods of time so if you know they’re going to have to sit through a long church service take them outside to move and play before going inside and have fidget toys available for them during this time.

It’s important to have family dinners. If your child struggles to stay in their seat, we recommend getting your child a yoga ball to sit on during dinner so they can move. When you introduce this to your child, talk about what is ok, and what is not ok with the ball. 

ADHD can often lead to anxiety and shame. Sometimes a child can get stuck in that negative self-talk. In this case, your role as a parent is to teach them to regulate. Here are a few tools for regulating big emotions: 

  • have your child walk outside barefoot for at least 20 minutes
  • sleep with a weighted blanket
  • use a brown noise machine
  • have your child write a letter to their worries and then tear up the letter or burn it (with parent supervision!). 

If these and many other supports do not work, medication may be the answer for your child. We know that sometimes medication is the best support for families. We believe that you have so many tools in your toolbox as parents, and there is no shame in using medication as one of many ways to care for your child.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Our favorite ADHD Tools for time management and organization!

To help with ADHD time fog:

  1. Colorful analog timers. These work well for children, teens and adults. It gives a visual representation of time for a given task. This will help your child stay on schedule and complete tasks in a timely manner with less guilt and frustration for everyone.
    1. Here is one option.
    2. Another cute one!

2.  Create a Shower Playlist. ADHD kids can easily lose track of time in the shower. It’s such a big parenting moment when your kids can finally bathe themselves. But parents often are frustrated because their kids spend forever in the bathroom forgetting to do things like washing their bodies or shampooing their hair. You may find yourself asking, “What have you been doing in here?!” Using Playlists can help you stay on track. Choose from a playlist on Spotify such as “Songs to Sing in the Shower.”

Listen Here

Additionally, some parents laminate a list of shower tasks (that can also be placed in a Ziplock bag):

3. Structure for Success-Think ahead, create visual cues, and auditory guides. It helps to do as much as you can ahead of time and having things near the door to get ready to go but sometimes things can still get left behind. We recommend door organizers which are pockets that hang on the back of your door to help you remember things that often get forgotten like a water bottle, a friend’s book that needs to be returned or a permission slip that was signed the night before when your kiddos backpack was upstairs. Such as: this doorknob organizer or this over the door organizer 

4.  If your child is more of an auditory learner, try these 30 second recording buttons that can be recorded and re-recorded over and over for reminder. They can be placed anywhere in the house. 

Please let us know if we can help you on your ADHD journey or also let us know what great ADHD hacks & tools you have found, we would love to hear from you.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Trauma

Avoidance

After a traumatic experience, it may feel like triggers are everywhere. Sights, sounds, smells, places, or even thoughts that remind you of what happened can suddenly send you spiraling. If you get too heavily triggered, you may even flashback and feel as if the traumatic event is happening all over again.

No wonder avoiding triggers can become a habit. Nobody wants to be retraumatized. At least to some degree, avoidance can be necessary and helpful at times, but what happens when it becomes your main strategy for coping with triggers?

When we avoid things that cause us anxiety, we’re essentially teaching our brains that we can’t handle whatever it is we’re avoiding. Your brain learns the following:

Triggers = Anxiety
Avoidance = Instant Relief

Instead of draining triggers of their power to cause panic, avoidance heightens the association between triggers and danger, which increases anxiety and makes you want to avoid even more. And the more you avoid, the more limited your life becomes.   

So how do you keep avoidance from taking over your life without getting overwhelmed and retraumatized by all the triggers? It takes a balance. By working with a therapist, you can begin learning new tools for managing triggers, that way avoidance is no longer the only means of relief.

For more information, contact summer@eastdallastherapy.com.

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Self-Care, Uncategorized

Cleaning Out Our Emotional Backpacks

Have you ever let your kid’s backpack go too long without being cleaned out? It’s like the creature from the black lagoon’s habitat in there! There’s no telling what you may find but you can be pretty sure it will be horrifying.


Kids also need to clean out there emotional backpacks on the regular! 

I got caught talking so my teacher wrote my name on the board.
So I stuff embarrassment, anger and injustice (because my friend started the conversation) into my emotional backpack.

I finally figured out that math concept I’ve been faking that I understood for days but couldn’t celebrate because I wanted everyone (including my teacher) to think I already got it.
So I stuff frustration, deferred pride & self-hatred into my emotional backpack.

My best friends were pulled for a special project and I wasn’t so I had to hustle all of recess to find new kids to play with.
So I stuff sadness, loneliness and feelings of inferiority into my emotional backpack.

Some kids like to verbally unpack their emotional backpacks and a feelings chart can be helpful. You can ask which of these feelings did you feel today? Encourage them to list more than one and then say, “It was important enough for you to carry (enter their feeling word here) with you all day & you brought them home. What do they want to say?”

Some kids like to creatively unpack their emotional backpacks. Encourage them to build paint or journal their feelings. A prompt that might help would be, “It sounds like you felt really proud of yourself today but you didn’t get to shine. Can you show me that shine with your markers & glitter or magnet tiles.”
PSA: Playdough is great for cleaning up glitter 

Some kids like to physically clean out their emotional backpacks. You can offer the opportunity to write out difficult feelings and tape them to a punching bag, trampoline or bury them in the back yard.

Cleaning out our emotional backpacks should help mitigate meltdowns, sibling squabbles and rigidity after school.
Parents might want to try cleaning out their emotional work bags too!

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