fbpx
Anxiety, Depression, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

direct therapy

There are different kinds of help we all need.

Sometimes, we need the help of being listened to, being understood, being heard, being in a space with someone who will hold us in our pain and give us room to find our own way through the process. There are other times where we need someone who will actively engage us – maybe question us
in ways we’ve never considered, or challenge us when we feel stagnant, or acknowledge something in us we’re not aware of and bring it to light. What kind of support are you looking for?

Therapists can provide both kinds, and often, they go hand in hand. But some therapists tend to be more direct and active in helping you make change, and some therapists tend to be more indirect – trusting your change to unfold without needing to directly form it.

What’s important for you as the client is to become aware of what you’re needing in session. If you’ve been with a therapist for two years, two weeks, or two minutes – know a good therapist will care about what you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to directly address your therapist regarding how they are helping you. Are you looking for more engagement from your therapist? More direction? Do you need some concrete help along your pathway of growth? Or are you feeling afraid of input and need the space to find what you experience with an affirming presence ? Maybe you wonder if it’s possible for your therapist to sit back and observe together where your own intuition and exploration takes you.

With a good therapist, there’s always, always, always an open invitation for you to express your desires for what kind of therapeutic relationship you’re wanting. Take ownership of your therapy and ask for what you need! A good therapist will encounter your desires with openness, receptivity, and a willingness to help you gain the support you’re looking for.

 Written by: Margaret Barrett
Reach out today to book with Margaret!
Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Care, Uncategorized

i still haven’t found “the one”

How to Cope with Being Single When That Wasn’t Your Plan

So many people have dreamt about what it will be like to meet “The One” and settle down. You have an idea of this person, this relationship, in your head, and you can’t wait for it to happen. But what if it doesn’t?

Watching your friends and peers around you settle down is exciting, but can feel weird when you’ve always imagined that that would be you by now. It’s not like you haven’t tried to make your relationships work. After a certain point, you might start to think about giving up, moving on from the stress and chaos of dating and the pressure you put on yourself to find your person. 

At the same time, maybe there’s a part of you that isn’t ready to give up. After all, there’s no harm in trying a little bit longer and holding out hope. But it’s hard: the longer you hold out hope, the longer you can continue to feel let down. You want to know what will be best for you.

Being single when you don’t necessarily want to be is a complex situation. People who want a long-term partner but cannot seem to find them can often fluctuate between wanting to give up so they can move on, and wanting to hold out hope of finding what, or who, they’ve been looking for. We can look at this as an ambiguous loss: a type of loss in which there isn’t a clear way to find closure. Ambiguous losses can make it hard for people to grieve and move on, because they are often still looking for answers or clarity. In this case, you had an idea for what you thought your life might look like. You have an idea of a partner that has existed in your head, but they don’t yet exist in your life.

 

So how can you cope with this? What should you do?

1. Practice dialectical thinking. This means noticing that 2 opposite things can be true at once.

  • “I feel the burden of not having a partner right now, AND I can find ways to have a fulfilling life outside of a partnership”
  • “There are things I don’t like about being single, AND I enjoy certain parts about being single as well”

2. Find ways to fulfill other areas of your life.

  • Do you have a hobby or a way you enjoy spending your time?
  • Can you nurture other meaningful relationships in your life? Family, friends, or even volunteering might be good places to start finding fulfillment in other relationships

3. Give yourself permission to grieve

  • Remind yourself that it’s normal to feel disappointed and conflicted. Something that you truly thought would happen by now, hasn’t happened- that’s disappointing.
  • Let yourself be okay with the ambiguity. You don’t have to decide “once and for all” to give up on love. It’s okay not to have an answer right now.

4. Consider seeking additional support in a peer group or with a professional.

  • Whether you find support from a peer group or a therapist, it can be helpful to know that you are not alone!
  • Although therapists are not dating coaches or matchmakers, they are trained in helping people cope with complex situations and stress. It might be helpful to have a safe space to explore your feelings.

Navigating an ambiguous loss can be tricky. Know that you are not alone, and that your feelings are not “wrong”! Consider reaching out to East Dallas Therapy for more support.

 Written by: Kate Hilton
Reach out today to book with Kate!

 

Anxiety, Uncategorized

a poem about anxiety

Who created this abyss inside me…

The further down I go
Unearthing thought after cause after effect after reason
The more black it gets
The longer this takes
The less air I’ve got
The darkness consumes
I’m free falling and there’s no bottom
I’ll finally lose it I’ll turn inside out I’ll howl into nothingness

– An eternal gasp –

Someone grabs my hand and I recoil away, you can’t help me now
But they hold on tight and I feel my fingers are so cold against their warmth
I finally return the grasp (help me!) and grab on
…the roughness of the callouses in their hand, the bend of their knuckles, the strength
of their grip pulls me
shoulders drop, relying on their grasp I let my arms go
Back stretching, breath slowing, sides lengthening, legs reaching
It’s dark,
I can’t
I won’t
what if….
My legs a panicked cycling until I reach one toe out and feel

….. a surface

 Written by: Margaret Barrett
Reach out today to book with Margaret!

About, Anxiety, Deconstruction, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

benefits of acceptance and commitment therapy

CBT is probably the type of therapy you’ve heard the most about. It’s the one that has been researched the most so doctors recommend it. And it is really affective! It helps people change their behaviors by changing the way they think.

Our very own Stacey Shoemaker uses this approach in her therapy with kids, teens and adults. Check out her method here!  I have recently been on a journey to learn more about a new (to me) approach to therapy. If you are a client, you’ve heard me beat this drum every session! 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is just as affective at helping clients see change in their lives.

But what I love about it is it considers a persons deepest motivations and how to create a more meaningful life (not just more happiness). It’s a joy to see clients move toward a set of values that they can see in their day to day life. Sometimes therapy can feel ethereal and all in your head. ACT therapy makes it a bit more concrete so that you can see change in your life. But it also helps with those thoughts and beliefs that block you from getting to where you want to go. 

Here are a couple books I love that use ACT:

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris Get it here!

The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris Get it here!

Then if you want to read a bit more about it, see below:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are both evidence-based approaches to psychotherapy, and their efficacy often depends on the condition being treated, the individual’s preferences, and the context in which the therapy is delivered. Below is a comparison based on existing research:

 Efficacy of CBT

-Strengths: CBT is highly effective for treating anxiety disorders, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mood-related conditions. It is also well-supported in treating eating disorders and substance use disorders.

– Mechanism: CBT focuses on identifying and modifying maladaptive thoughts and behaviors. It helps individuals recognize unhealthy thought patterns and develop healthier, more constructive thinking patterns.

– Evidence: CBT has a robust evidence base from decades of clinical trials and is often considered the “gold standard” for many mental health conditions.

Efficacy of ACT

– Strengths: ACT is particularly effective for chronic pain, stress, burnout, and conditions involving emotional avoidance or psychological flexibility, such as PTSD and some forms of depression and anxiety. It is also used effectively in workplace wellness and in addressing general quality-of-life issues.

– Mechanism: ACT focuses on increasing psychological flexibility by helping individuals accept their internal experiences, commit to values-based actions, and not being controlled by limiting beliefs.

– Evidence: ACT has a growing evidence base and is considered equally effective as CBT for many conditions, such as anxiety and depression, according to several meta-analyses. It often excels in helping individuals with issues related to meaning and values.

Key Differences in Approach

– Focus on Change vs. Acceptance: CBT emphasizes changing negative thought patterns, while ACT emphasizes accepting them and focusing on values-driven behavior.

– Skills Development: CBT often involves more structured skills training, while ACT encourages experiential and mindfulness-based processes.

Comparison in Research

– Equally Effective for Many Conditions: For depression, anxiety, and stress-related disorders, meta-analyses suggest that ACT and CBT are equally effective.

– ACT’s Strength in Comorbid and Chronic Conditions: ACT is sometimes preferred for conditions involving comorbidities, chronic pain, or when fostering psychological flexibility is a priority.

– Long-Term Outcomes: Some studies suggest ACT may lead to more sustained changes in psychological flexibility over time, whereas CBT may have slightly faster symptom reduction initially.

Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

trapped in an anxiety loop

Anxiety is a powerful word that describes a wide range of behaviors, thoughts and feelings.

When it’s working for us, anxiety is a great tool that helps us get things done and manage future outcomes. A little touch of anxiety can get us going on an important deadline, muster the courage to have a difficult conversation or manage a full schedule. Turn up the volume a little bit and anxiety will get us through an emergency injury for one of our children, engage in a conflict we didn’t expect, or resist injustices in our society, school, or workplace. But turn up the volume even more and anxiety quickly turns from helping us control outcomes to quickly controlling us.

Many of us get stuck in that high volume setting, due to distressing events that asked the managerial part of our brains to keep going, and keep going, and keep going… and suddenly the noise of anxiety became so loud we found ourselves unable to do anything else. It’s as if our brain and body are in overdrive and we can no longer access anything but this accelerated state. Often, even noticing this induces more distress – and then we’re applying more control and rigidity to reduce these painful feelings… which leads to even more anxiety! Signs of this can include being unable to sleep well, an inability to focus, racing heart, a sense of hyperactivity, or panic attacks.

When you feel trapped in an anxious loop, it is useful to ground yourself in your body and remind yourself that anxiety is a tool for managing the future…. Not the present. Ask yourself: what needs attention right now? Likely the answer to that is you. Take a moment to pay attention to yourself. What signs are showing you that you’re in overdrive? Can you compassionately witness your anxiety and look at it with loving eyes? What do you see? Listen to your mind and your body for a moment – what do you need in this very moment?

Even with these questions, it can be hard to calm down during this cognitive practice of self-compassion. So we turn toward the body: using grounding and breathing techniques we can invite a sense of physical calm:

1) Notice you’re anxious. Acknowledge the anxiety, just that it’s there. No need to fix it.

2) Notice the room around you, your environment, what colors, shapes, textures there are, and describe them to yourself. Notice your body and how it feels – what your hands feel like, what your feet feel like, what your back and shoulders and face feel like.

3) Notice your breath and use it as a tool to calm your nervous system. When you intentionally slow your breathing, taking a longer exhale than inhale, your brain sees that as a cue to send out safety signals to your body and engage your parasympathetic nervous system (the part of us that calms down). Try to breathe in for four and out for six. Do this several times slowly until it feels more natural and calming.

4) Get back into the present with some sort of activity that requires no analysis. Listening to music, dancing, going for a walk, taking a bath, spending time with a pet are all good examples.

Anxiety is a helpful emotion, and it tells us something external needs our attention. But too much anxiety robs of the opportunity to be present with ourselves as it insists on external action instead of internal presence. Gently thank your anxiety for being there for you, but get back in charge by allowing yourself to compassionately connect with the present moment.

 Written by: Margaret Barrett
Reach out today to book with Margaret!

Anxiety, Deconstruction, Self-Care, Self-doubt

are you living in fear?

Are you living in fear? Transforming Fear into Confidence

1. Self-Doubt = Fear

Fear can really mess with our decision-making, often pushing us away from what we truly want. When we let fear drive our choices, we end up reacting to it rather than moving forward intentionally. For instance, you might avoid being open with your partner because you’re scared of getting hurt, or you might hold back your opinions on social issues because you’re afraid of being judged.

Research supports that acknowledging your fears can help reduce their power. For example, a study published in the *Journal of Anxiety, Stress & Coping* found that naming and confronting fears can significantly decrease their intensity and improve emotional resilience (Roemer & Orsillo, 2009). By naming your fears—like saying, “I’m scared of being vulnerable because I might be rejected,” or “I worry that sharing my views on social justice will make me seem judgmental”—it can make them feel less overwhelming and more manageable.

2. Challenge the Inner Critic: Disobeying Limiting Beliefs**

We all have that little voice inside that tells us what we “should” do or not do, often limiting our potential. This inner critic might say things like, “You shouldn’t speak up in meetings,” or “You should keep your opinions to yourself.” Following these rules can really box us in and keep us from growing.

Research suggests that these self-imposed limits can increase anxiety and reduce self-efficacy. The *Journal of Behavioral Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry* highlights that strict self-restrictions often contribute to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety (Hofmann et al., 2012). To break free, try ignoring that inner critic every now and then. If you feel you “shouldn’t” share your thoughts, go ahead and speak up anyway. By challenging these internal restrictions, you can boost your confidence and feel more empowered.

3. Distinguish Between Fear and Wisdom: Making Informed Decisions**

It’s important to tell the difference between fear and wisdom when making decisions. Fear often makes things seem worse than they are, projecting negative outcomes into the future and distorting reality. On the other hand, wisdom involves careful thinking, being open to new information, and taking risks wisely.

Studies have shown that wisdom involves evaluating risks realistically and combining cognitive and emotional insights for better decision-making. Research published in the *Journal of Decision Making* emphasizes that wisdom includes gathering information, consulting others, and trusting your instincts (Schaie & Willis, 2018). By focusing on wisdom rather than fear, you’ll be able to make decisions that are both thoughtful and confident.

In short, overcoming self-doubt means facing your fears head-on, challenging the rules you set for yourself, and choosing wisdom over fear. By doing these things, you’ll find yourself making more confident, deliberate choices in your life.

Anxiety, Relationships, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

don’t be afraid of what you think

“Don’t be afraid of what you think.”

Someone told me these words after college, a time when I was frequently challenged by ideas that were so different from my own.

 I had many beliefs, some religious, some philosophical, some about myself, some about others and… many of these beliefs weren’t working for me anymore. But I was afraid to challenge myself, afraid that I’d steer myself away from a secure path towards ultimate truth and purpose.
 

It can be easy to fear what you think. We cling to belief systems of so many kinds to keep ourselves grounded, to know what’s real, to decide how to act, and to live out who we want to be. These beliefs create real value, and they tell us a lot about what we treasure in our lives. Why would we want to dismantle any of the stability or assurance they bring?

But sometimes you can’t shake the nagging feeling that something isn’t working anymore. Maybe the cognitive dissonance has become too much to bear, and you constantly feel at war with yourself. Maybe you know you want to leave old patterns behind, but you have no clear path ahead of you and you’re scared to leave without a road map. Maybe you feel like you might lose connection with close ones if you no longer identify with a certain understanding of the world.

When a client is articulating thoughts like these, my first thought is to acknowledge that these fears are holding a person back from authenticity. Real costs are often borne when someone has to navigate a belief change, especially because there are not just private but public ramifications. It takes immense bravery to step out and admit to yourself first, much less others, that you might not actually believe certain things anymore. This admission may cost you relationships, communities, and inner certainty.

But there is also a part of you that feels caged, like you’ve outgrown what’s come before and you’re cramped, repressed, exhausted by being in a framework that doesn’t fit.

When clients are ready, I encourage them to admit first to themselves, in the safety of their journal, their private minds or the therapeutic room, what they really care about, and what they really believe. Therapy offers the privilege of cultivating a nonjudgmental space in which you can express anything and everything, and due to our confidentiality agreement none of those admissions will leave the room. The client must first establish the safety within themselves to take the “leap of faith” and admit to their true thoughts.

When that step is taken, it is remarkable to see the relief that comes simply from cultivating honesty in one’s own mind. And once this honesty is experienced, figuring out what one really does think and believe can come with greater ease because you aren’t hampered by external factors. Then the journey really gets good: you no longer have to conform to a pre-existing picture: you get to paint your own! In the therapeutic space, this occurs by processing life without censorship, practicing authenticity with yourself, asking the questions and thinking, feeling, discovering, evaluating, living your way into the answers. It’s where vitality, inspiration, and connection to yourself show up; it is where you get to discover who you are and what you really value. And when you do that inside, you can show up so much more authentically to your life with others.

The famous songwriter Leonard Cohen says in his song Anthem that “there’s cracks in everything. That’s where the light gets in.” Sometimes, we can feel like all we’re trying to do is plug those cracks in our mind before they start to break us apart. But we exhaust ourselves in the process, we preserve a false image of ourselves and we miss out on discovering our very own light. Trust the cracks, trust the voice that’s bringing them inside, and figure out where that light comes from. It won’t necessarily be an easy journey… but I promise you won’t be disappointed at the results.

 Written by: Margaret Barrett
Reach out today to book with Margaret!

Anxiety, Parenting, Relationships, Trauma, Uncategorized

i’m divorced and our child is graduating

The end of the school year seems to be the most stressful time for busy families.

End of school parties, awards ceremonies, talent shows, exams, field day, graduation parties, high school graduations and college move outs and graduations. The calendars are full and if you are a parent who is divorced, your thoughts may be more focused on the navigation of these milestones and celebrations rather than the joy. Sound familiar?

Attending functions at your child’s school or attending a graduation are milestones parents do not want to miss. So how do parents embrace these sometimes difficult, awkward, yet necessary encounters? As a divorced parent, I have learned and am still learning what my kids most need during these times. Divorce is painfully complex and each member of the family unit carries a personal narrative- even young children. Leading up to an event may be dreadful and even seem unmanageable.
 
Remind yourself of the actual purpose of the occasion:

Who is it for?

What are we celebrating?

 

The joy and excitement of having family events is a privilege. Keep the focus on that. Set aside past hurts and resentment for the time being and focus on your child. Leave behind your vulnerability and insecurity during these moments.
For children of divorce, it can mean alot to merely see their parents exchanging a greeting or sitting near one another during a special event~ doesn’t mean the parents have to carry on a lengthy conversation. These small positive interactions slowly can begin to patch a child’s wounds from the traumatic experience of divorce. So, as a healthy parent not only are you healing pain and resentment within your own heart, you are allowing space for your children to begin the difficult journey of healing.
 
You will make mistakes, so plan on it; forgive yourself, apologize if necessary and continue to move forward. Hopefully, each encounter over the years will become a little easier, a new normal.

 Written by: Stacey Shoemaker
Reach out today to book with Stacey!

Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

shame spirals

Shame spirals always start with self-judgment.

Maybe you do something you’re not proud of, or a thought or emotion comes up that feels threatening. Sometimes a trigger will set it off. But the result is you begin doubting yourself big time. As the shame spiral progresses, you find yourself questioning your every move and motive. Suddenly you’re questioning your very being. Feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred set in.

Sound familiar? If you’ve experienced a shame spiral before, you know how paralyzing they can be. Feelings of shame are hard enough to manage on their own at times, but a shame spiral occurs when constant feelings of shame spin us out of control. The bottom of this spiral looks different for everybody, but it can result in a panic attack, over or undereating, withdrawing from others, a depressive episode, or even self-harming thoughts and behaviors.
 
When shame spirals hit, they keep us stuck. They limit us and prevent us from moving forward by convincing us that we’re out of options. They give us feelings of hopelessness and the belief that nothing will solve our problems because we are the problem.

The key to stopping a shame spiral is to catch it early before it really gets going. To do this, it helps to map out what your shame spirals typically look and feel like. If you don’t know how your shame spirals start, begin with mapping what the bottom is like and work your way back from there:

 
·         What happens when you’ve reached the bottom? What thoughts, feelings, and behaviors show you that your shame spiral has reached a critical point?
 
·         Right before you’ve hit the bottom, what signs in your body show you that you’re almost to that point? Which muscles may feel tense or numb? Do you feel shaky or out of breath? Is your mind racing or going blank?
 
·         Taking a step up the spiral from there, what thoughts, emotions, and sensations are you experiencing? Are you more or less talkative? Are you just beginning to feel anxious or depressed?
 
·         Then at the top of your spiral: how do you know when you’re just beginning to feel a sense of shame? Are you more irritable? Do you get a sinking sensation in your chest or start focusing on a specific thought such as, “I shouldn’t be this way.”

Once you map out your shame spirals, it takes practice catching them early and discovering which methods give you some relief. The earlier you catch it, the faster you can take a break, recharge, call a friend, get some sleep, or do something else to help soothe or distract yourself until you’re in a better frame of mind.
 
When you’re not in a shame spiral, it’s so much easier to return to the original issue and begin problem-solving. It’s easier to think and consider your options. You can figure out what in the situation you can control vs. what you can’t control and make a plan from there.

For an extra activity you can use to decrease shame, try this short, 5-minute meditation on extending loving kindness to self and others: 5-minute meditation

 Written by: Summer Greenlee, LPC

Anxiety, Depression, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

mastering the madness: confronting anxiety and racing thoughts

Ever feel like there’s a relentless and chaotic storm brewing inside you?

That’s how it feels for me. It’s as if this unceasing tempest is constantly whirling, making it hard to find calm or clarity.  Imagine an endless list of worries or a barrage of terrible outcomes that disrupt your sleep and trigger a deep sense of panic, overwhelming your mind with fear and uncertainty and threatening to gobble up your entire life.

If this is something you’re dealing with, you’re not alone. Anxiety is something more and more of us are grappling with it. Recognizing that you’re facing an issue is a significant first step. The path that follows can feel challenging, filled with therapy sessions, medications, and self-help techniques, all with one goal—getting the reins of your whirling thoughts and intense emotions back in your hands.

Let’s Talk about Your High Standards and Feelings of Inadequacy

Anxiety might seem complex, but it often starts with a straightforward narrative—I’m not enough. These self-esteem-crushing feelings can be fueled by sky-high expectations imposed by others or ourselves. Maybe it’s an insatiable pursuit of perfection, an impossible standard set by others, or a deep-rooted belief that you’re destined to fail unless you’re extraordinary.

These persistently lofty standards are a breeding ground for anxiety and racing thoughts. When life becomes an ongoing test with an unreachable passing score, it’s not surprising that our minds start sprinting, scared of the fallout of perceived failure.

The Birthplace of Anxiety and Racing Thoughts

Several factors can ignite anxiety, like genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events. For some, it ignites during childhood when their parents hammer in the need to excel and succeed. Others might be genetically disposed to anxiety disorders, which makes them more likely to develop them when they encounter stressful situations.

Racing thoughts, a regular symptom of anxiety, surface when our minds scramble to cope with severe feelings of fear and worry. They make it immensely hard to relax, focus, or even carry on a conversation. In severe cases, racing thoughts can trigger panic attacks, a terrifying experience
that feels like everything is spiraling into chaos.

Ways to Tackle Racing Thoughts

Dealing with racing thoughts is all about having tested tools ready to help refocus your mind and break the cycle of fear and worry.

Embrace Mindfulness and Meditation

Cultivating mindfulness can transform the way you manage anxiety. By directing your attention to the present moment through meditation, you learn to observe the flurry of thoughts in your mind without getting carried away. This habit can distance you from the relentless wave of racing thoughts, providing a much-needed moment of clarity and peace.

Set a Worry Time

Designating a specific “worry time” is a psychological technique to curb racing thoughts. Pick a time each day when you’ll focus entirely on your anxieties. If anxious thoughts sneak up for the rest of the day, remind yourself to address them during your worry time. Having a fixed time for
worries helps you dictate and manage those thoughts rather than allowing them to control you.

Integrate Relaxation Techniques

Incorporate relaxation techniques into your day to combat racing thoughts. Techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing exercises and indulging in pleasurable hobbies can help reduce your overall stress. Regularly practicing these methods can teach your body to chill out more effectively when anxiety strikes.

What’s Next?

Anxiety and racing thoughts can feel debilitating, but they aren’t unbeatable. By identifying the triggers and effects of anxiety and equipping yourself with practical tools, you can start to regain control over your mental health. Don’t forget — there’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Therapy can serve as a support system and a catalyst for growth, empowering you to rewrite your anxiety story and take control of your life.

By taking one step, one thought at a time, you can lead a calmer life, free from the overpowering influence of anxiety and racing thoughts. The silence you”ll experience in a mind that once was in a constant race is a blessing—a free space that lets contentment and joy flourish. You deserve nothing less when it comes to your health and well-being.

 Written by: Avis Strong
Reach out today to book with Avis!

Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

strengthening the connection with your teen

Are you a parenting teen?

Navigating the teenage years can be a challenging yet transformative experience for both you and your teenager. As a psychotherapist who works with teenagers dealing with anxiety and trauma, I understand the importance of attunement in nurturing a healthy parent-teenager relationship. In this blog post, I’ll provide you with two concrete examples of how you can attune to your teenagers’ needs.

Example 1: Active Listening

Imagine your teenager comes home from school, visibly upset. They may have had a tough day dealing with academic pressures, social dynamics, or other challenges. Here’s how you can use active listening to attune to their emotions:

Create a Safe Space: Find a quiet, comfortable spot where you can talk without distractions. Let your teenager know you’re there to listen and support them.

Listen Actively: Pay full attention to what they’re saying. Maintain eye contact, nod, and use verbal cues like “I see” or “Tell me more” to show you’re engaged.

Avoid Judgment: Even if you don’t fully understand or agree with their perspective, refrain from passing judgment. This is a moment for them to express their feelings without fear of criticism.

Reflect Back: After they’ve shared, paraphrase what you’ve heard to ensure you understood correctly. For example, you could say, “It sounds like you had a tough time with your classmates today.”

By actively listening, you provide a safe and empathetic space for your teenager to express their emotions, fostering a stronger connection.

Example 2: Validation and Empathy

Teenagers often grapple with a range of emotions and self-discovery. Here’s how you can use validation and empathy to support them:

Acknowledge Their Feelings: When your teenager expresses their emotions, validate their feelings by saying something like, “I can see that you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”

Empathize with Their Experience: Share your understanding by saying, “I remember how tough it was when I was your age and dealing with similar situations.”

Avoid Minimizing or Dismissing: Refrain from saying things like, “It’s not a big deal” or “You’ll get over it.” Such responses can invalidate their emotions.

Offer Comfort: Sometimes, a simple, reassuring hug can convey your support and understanding when words may fall short.

By validating your teenager’s emotions and showing empathy, you let them know that their feelings are valid, which can significantly boost their self-esteem.

In conclusion, attuning to your teenagers is an essential aspect of nurturing a healthy parent-teenager relationship. By actively listening and validating their emotions, you create an environment where they feel heard and understood. Remember that it’s a continuous process, and building trust takes time. Be patient with yourself and your teenager as you work together to strengthen your connection.

Your role as a parent plays a crucial part in helping your teenager navigate the challenges of adolescence. Your attunement can provide them with the emotional support they need to cope with anxiety and trauma effectively, ultimately contributing to their sense of self-worth and well-being.

Keep these examples in mind as you continue your journey as a parent, and don’t hesitate to reach out for professional guidance if needed. Your commitment to attunement will make a significant difference in your teenager’s life.

Anxiety, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

anxiety and your teen

Anxiety, being a normal emotion, we all experience from time, has become a commonplace term within all families in our society today. The unfortunate reality is teenagers today are experiencing increased amounts of anxiety due to a variety of circumstances. Wading through the teenage years is challenging, and having a teen who struggles with anxiety adds yet another layer to the responsibility of being a wonderful parent.

So, how can I best support my teenager who is experiencing anxiety?

~Minimize extra-curricular activities.

Downtime is necessary and being bored is ok. Between play dates, carpool, soccer practice, grocery store, picking up a last-minute birthday gift, and dance class how do families find time to be together? Other than in the car.   If you find yourself out of breath, in a time crunch, losing your patience, volunteering for three committees at your child’s school, you name it…you are doing too much and so is your child. An over-scheduled child/teenager is an anxious one. Plain and simple. Attempt to let go of the parenting peer pressure of having your child in multiple activities/sports/groups. Placing limits will reduce anxiety for your entire family.

~Model self-care and healthy coping skills

Children and especially teenagers are watching you, listening to you and learning from you.  We all have bad days, say things we don’t mean, act immaturely, selfishly, etc. Acknowledging stress and taking time for yourself as a parent should not be an unusual occurrence within your home. If teenagers witness a parent experiencing something uncomfortable and then finding calm within that space- they learn resilience and gain understanding of how to navigate the ups and downs in life.

~ Create space for honest conversations.

First and foremost, be patient.  Teenagers tend to talk about things later at night and certainly not when they walk in the door from school! (Trust me, I am guilty of that one!). Another tip from personal experience: Have your teen’s friends over to hang out and eat snacks on a regular basis if possible.  I learned so many things while serving snacks and then cleaning my kitchen.  Sometimes I chimed in and was curious about their stories, other times I was just in the background slowly putting away clean dishes.  This is especially helpful when your teenager is not a talker; hearing about the daily drama in the life of a teenager is priceless.  It later opens doors from a parental perspective of “being in the know” or asking some follow up questions “how did that turn out? Or whatever happened with Kaeli and her boyfriend?”  Be aware: you may or may not get an answer.  No matter the outcome, you have shown your teen that you are available and possibly they may see you are not the dumbest parent on the planet!

~ Promote family time opportunities that reduce stress.

Weekly board game or movie night, work a puzzle, go for a walk together, volunteer in your community, make homemade pizzas or ice cream sundaes. Each of these examples increases “face time” which we so desperately need with each other. Teenagers may bawk at first; however, they will come around.  Spending 1-2 quality hours per week with family is not asking too much. Be intentional as a family, be selfish with your time together- you are making lasting and meaningful memories!

Lastly, if your teenager’s anxiety begins to affect your overall family dynamics, you notice their sleeping or eating habits change, grades in school decline etc. reach out for additional support.  Working alongside families with teenagers, meeting with teens on an individual basis, and providing additional education and resources is something I am passionate about. Reach out today for afternoon and evening sessions.

Contact
Sign up to receive occasional, useful information about our workshops and open appointments.
Get Our Emails
Recent Posts