toxic positivity and why we hate it…according to Kate
Toxic Positivity teaches children that the way we deal with difficult emotions is not to give our feelings space and work through them to acceptance.
Instead, it teaches them to shove our true feelings down and put a superficial spin on them in the moment. i.e., those girls are being mean to you because they are intimidated by your beauty and confidence. Instead of saying, you feel hurt and disappointed that you didn’t get invited to the party when most of the girls in your class did.
Making space for these feelings teaches children that their feelings are valid.
After they explore their feelings then they can come up with a plan that makes them feel better like inviting friends from their YMCA soccer team for a sleepover that night and coming up with a ‘script’ together with mom to tell the other girls how being left out made her feel, if it will likely be accepted by the other girls.
In the differently abled community, there’s a lot of the “you’re so strong, you never complain” kind of sentiments when it would help to know that it is ok to be tired and frustrated by compensating for neurodivergence or physical disability.
Navigating a world that wasn’t built for the body and/or brain that you have isn’t always a fun adventure and it is important to be able to ask for the support you need and to be confident you’ll be met with understanding and not empty, pseudo positive, spin.