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Relationships, Self-Care, Uncategorized

what now?

So, you have graduated college and now onto  the world of “adulting”! 

I have checked all of the boxes. Now, I update my resume and  apply for the job I have always wanted and so deserve because I have worked so diligently to get where I am today.  Three months have passed and I still do not have a job. What now?  How did this happen to me?  Where did I go wrong?
 
Sound familiar?  The world is a much larger place than it appeared while you were a college student,  possibly “ living your best life”.  Coming to the realization of being a new college graduate is not always easy. In fact, it can be overwhelming, increase your anxiety, cause depression, and even self-doubt. You are not alone. 
 
Facing the reality of job searching is not what the college years prepared you for.  Researching  career paths and applying for jobs is like a part time job in itself. It takes persistence and confidence, which yours may be wavering at this point.  If you are feeling lost in what to do next or where to turn for help; you are not alone. I work with many college graduates who have been right where you are today.  Through a therapeutic relationship, we build on your strengths, learn to recognize what your are passionate about, and navigate this unexpected journey together. 
 

Reach out today so we can find the next step for you! 

 Written by: Stacey Shoemaker
Reach out today to book with Stacey!
Relationships, Self-Care, Uncategorized

what if they don’t accept my boundaries?

Healthy boundaries help maintain respect, mutuality, and connection in relationships.

You get to decide which boundaries are most important for you to set with others.

For instance, you can choose to set physical boundaries around who you feel comfortable accepting affection from. Or you may choose to set boundaries on your time by declining to attend one event, while prioritizing another commitment elsewhere.
 
In relationships with people who are generally healthy and safe, setting boundaries may feel more effortless. They already accept your limits and are open about theirs as well. Negotiating and making compromises with them takes place naturally and doesn’t feel like you’re tiptoeing around a landmine.
 
Unfortunately, the people you need to set boundaries with most are often those who are least likely to respect them. You tell them you’re busy, they show up anyway. You ask them not to bring up a sensitive topic, and they talk about it at every opportunity. That may leave you wondering, what’s the point in setting boundaries at all?

It’s important to remember that boundaries are requests, not demands.

 
A boundary isn’t about controlling someone else’s behavior, it’s about keeping  yourself safe and managing your resources wisely. People can (and often do) say no when you try to set boundaries with them.
 
When it comes to those in your life who tend to ignore, dismiss, or reject your boundaries, make sure you have a plan. You can’t control their behavior, but you can come up with ideas for how to better protect yourself when your boundaries are crossed. Then, present your boundaries to the other person in the form of options.
 
For example:
 
“I want to figure this out with you, but I feel overwhelmed when you call me names. If you can talk about it without calling me that, I can stay on the phone, but otherwise I’m going to hang up and take a break for now.”
 
“Could you please not do that when I’m in the room? I start to panic whenever this happens, so if it continues, I’ll have to leave until I can calm down. I don’t mind staying otherwise, as long as this stops.”
 
Let the person know how they can best connect with you in the situation and what you’ll do if they choose not to accept your boundaries. Then – and this is key – make sure you follow through! If you tell them you have to go home if they continue to cross your boundaries, go home if they continue. If you don’t follow through on what you say, the person will assume you’re not serious and they’ll keep pushing past your limits. The more you stick to what you say, the more likely they will be to adjust to your requests in the future.
 
Of course, you’ll also come into contact with some people who push your boundaries constantly. If you can get distance from them, that’s great, but in some situations that isn’t always possible. For example, maybe there’s someone at work or school that you have to interact with on a regular basis. Maybe you’re dealing with someone who’s crossing a boundary every five minutes. Realistically, catching them on every single thing may be exhausting or even impossible. Choose your battles. Take time to consider which boundaries you’re willing to let slide at times and which are non-negotiables for you.
 
Especially if you’re not used to doing it, setting healthy boundaries takes practice. Consider working with a professional for extra support. 
You can also check out this free workbook for more tools on how to set boundaries: Workbook
 Written by: Summer Greenlee, LPC
Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care, Uncategorized

healthy boundaries while staying connected with your teen

It can be hard to know how to setup healthy boundaries with your teen. You don’t want to invade their space, but you want to make sure they are safe. We get this question a lot in therapy. How do I setup healthy boundaries for my teen, respect their boundaries, but stay connected to them?

Respecting their privacy/space

Teens prefer to have time and space either alone or with friends. Parents can be on the lookout for opportunities to engage with their teenager.  Oftentimes, these are late at night or when you least expect it. Practice asking open ended questions and limit questions right after school. Be open and honest (within reason) regarding your teenage years, this will help build trust between you and your teen. Get to know your teen’s friends. Invite them over and cook a meal, order pizza, or make brownies. A creative parent can engage with teenagers while still maintaining the desired privacy of a teenager’s world.

Influence in decision making

Adolescents are in the process of maturing and becoming independent. Creating opportunities for teens to participate in decision making will help shape their critical thinking skills, build rapport between parent and teen, and demonstrate respect within the relationship.

Example: discussion of curfew in high school years. Make list of pros and cons regarding proposed times. Evaluate options and make a plan. Possibly allow for extended curfew on special occasions/improved grades/respectful attitude among family members. Ongoing communication is key!

Establishing healthy boundaries during the teen years takes practice and requires much patience. Expect there to be ups and downs, be willing to make changes as needed, and know that it’s okay to make mistakes. Parents that choose to hold their teens accountable within a loving environment foster responsibility and resilience.

Withdrawn vs typical teen behavior

Teenagers often display big feelings and reactions! What is considered normal? When do we need to seek help from a therapist who specializes in adolescents? It is normal for teenagers to sleep more, make poor choices in eating habits, display “moody” behavior, and at times turn your world upside down. Watching for changes in these normal adolescent behaviors can help parents identify when it might be time to seek help. The adolescent brain is working in overtime as transformation is taking place and studies show half of all genetic mental disorders begin to develop by age 14.

Here is what anxiety/depression can look like:

Overall disruption within family dynamics
Changes in friend groups/having no plans with friends
Withdrawn more than usual
Not turning in assignments/drop in overall grades
Changes in eating habits
Sleeping more than normal or not being able to fall or stay asleep
Angry outbursts over small matters

If your teenager is exhibiting any of these signs and your gut tells you something seems “off” it is time to find support. Normal adolescent behavior vs. possible signs of a mood disorder can be determined by a mental health therapist. Working alongside families with teenagers, meeting with teens on an individual basis, and providing additional education and resources is something I am passionate about. Reach out today for afternoon and evening sessions.

 Written by: Stacey Shoemaker!
Reach out today to book with Stacey!
About, Kids Mental Health, Uncategorized

ADHD & parenting: when to seek a diagnosis

ADHD is one of those strange things that feels like it’s everywhere… 

and it seems like everyone has either a formal or informal diagnosis of ADHD.

This leads many parents to wonder, are these behaviors from my kid “normal to their age” and a stage they will outgrow or is this something that needs to be diagnosed?
 

Here are some things to consider:

 

-Has my child always had difficulty with focus, impulsivity or executive functioning tasks?

 

-Does my child seem emotionally delayed compared to his/her friends?

 

-Do I (or does my child’s other parent) have an ADHD diagnosis, or would this diagnosis make sense for other family members?

 

-Does your child have gross motor difficulties (would you call them clumsy or accident prone)?

 

-Is your child or family going through a time of stress, loss or transition?

 

-Is there a significant spike in the number of students suggested diagnosis in your child’s class or school?

 

-Do you have a gut feeling one way or another? As a parent you are the expert on your child and your parent gut is very important and we want to make sure that is given space. 

 

Please reach out if you would like to discuss a possible ADHD diagnosis for your child.

 Written by: Kate Miller, LPC
 
About, Kids Mental Health, Uncategorized

ADHD & parenting: emotional development

Children with ADHD can have up to a 3-year emotional delay.

This means that your 9 your old with ADHD’s disappointment will feel much more like a first grader’s emotional reaction than the peers in his class.

Therefore, it is important to get ahead of these emotional storms and to teach your child the coping skills that will support him even when you are not there to help him regulate. 
 
Build in time to help your child release their built-up emotions. In play therapy we do an activity called Cleaning out your emotional backpack where after school while having a snack the child talks through the good things and the hard things that happened that day (drawing or journaling also works great). We also recommend giving your child some physical release before switching to getting homework done or after school activities. 
 
We also use the window of tolerance to help children identify their level of emotional regulation and what they might need to move from a place of dysregulation (yellow, orange, red) back to a place of regulation and calm (green).
 
This can be used at school and the child may need to use a fidget or the opportunity to leave the classroom and walk in the hall for a few minutes to return to calm after something difficult has happened. These can be written into the child’s IEP (Individual Education Plan). The therapist can help the parent prepare for the ARD and what to ask for from the school. The therapist will also work with the parents to create a plan to support the child and the family to make things function well.
 Written by: Kate Miller, LPC
 
Relationships, Self-Care, Uncategorized

how emotions help us

Emotions sometimes get a bad reputation.

Telling someone they’re being “emotional,” for instance, usually implies that they’ve lost control of their ability to express their feelings in an appropriate way.

And emotions do have a way of taking control sometimes. Sadness can turn into a depression casting everything in a negative light. Anger can turn into a rage where you say or do things you never intended.
 
But emotions themselves aren’t bad. They’re neutral. Everybody has emotions, and what matters most is what you choose to do with them. All emotions give us useful information about ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. Sometimes emotions tell us things that aren’t exactly true, but even then, the information and energy they give us can be helpful.
 

Here are some examples:

 
  • Anger – alerts us to injustice, fills us with energy we can use to stay safe or accomplish tasks, shows us when a boundary is being crossed, gives us courage to advocate for ourselves and others.
  • Sadness – shows us what we value and love, alerts us to when we’ve lost something important, tells us what we need to seek out that we’re currently lacking, helps others know when we need support.
  • Fear – alerts us to immediate danger, fills us with energy we can use to get to safety, shows us what we may need to change or avoid staying safe, warns us of toxic environments.
  • Anxiety – alerts us to a possible future threat, helps us prepare for or prevent danger, fills us with energy to accomplish tasks, keeps us aware of the environment so we can react quickly if needed.
  • Guilt – lets us know when we’ve gone against our own values, tells us when we may need to make a repair in a relationship, shows us where we may need to grow and change.
  • Happiness – refreshes us, helps us recharge so we have more energy to face things later, fills us with energy to accomplish tasks and connect with others, helps us stay open to new possibilities.
 
Tuning into our emotions gives us more control, because it gives us the option of choosing to use the information productively. For example, when you take time to notice that you feel angry instead of stuffing it down or immediately exploding, you may come to realize the message it’s giving you is that a boundary has been crossed. After taking time to cool down, you can then use all the adrenaline anger gave you as courage to calmly and assertively set a boundary where needed.
 
Our emotions don’t have to disrupt our ability to make beneficial decisions. Given some time and non-judgmental attention, they can aid us in better understanding ourselves and others.
For more on emotions, check out Brene Brown’s book: “Atlas of the Heart.” (click here)
 Written by: Summer Greenlee, LPC
Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

parents who stay connected to their teens do this… 

In my practice I do a lot of teen therapy and I have noticed in a few issues many parents face. It can be hard to know what role to play when your child is growing up and needs more independent. I have outlined a few tips I’ve learned working with these types of clients.

Respecting your teens privacy and space.

Your teens prefer to have time and space either alone or with friends.  As parents you can be on the lookout for opportunities to engage with your teenager. 

Oftentimes, these are late at night or when you least expect it. Practice asking open ended questions and limit questions right after school.  Be open and honest (within reason) regarding your teenage years, this will help build trust between you and your teen.  Get to know your teen’s friends. Invite them over and cook a meal, order pizza, or make brownies. A creative parent can engage with teenagers while still maintaining the desired privacy of a teenager’s world. 

Influence in decision making.

Adolescents are in the process of maturing and becoming independence.

Creating opportunities for your teens to participate in decision making will help shape their critical thinking skills, build rapport, and demonstrate respect within the relationship.  

Example:  Discussion of curfew in high school years.  Make a list of pros and cons regarding proposed times. Evaluate options and make a plan. Possibly allow for extended curfew on special occasions/improved grades/respectful attitude among family members.  Ongoing communication is key!  

Establishing healthy boundaries during the teen years takes practice and requires much patience.  Expect there to be ups and downs, be willing to make changes as needed, and know that it’s okay to make mistakes.  Parents that choose to hold their teens accountable within a loving environment foster responsibility and resilience. 

Withdrawn vs typical teen behavior.

Teenagers often display big feelings and reactions! 

What is considered normal?  When do you need to seek help from a therapist who specializes in adolescents?   It is normal for teenagers to sleep more, make poor choices in eating habits, display “moody” behavior, and at times turn your world upside down.  Watching for changes in these normal adolescent behaviors can help you identify when it might be time to seek help. The adolescent brain is working in overtime as transformation is taking place and studies show half of all genetic mental disorders begin to develop by age 14. 

Here is what anxiety/depression can look like:

  • Changes in eating habits.
  • Sleeping more than normal or not being able to fall or stay asleep.
  • Angry outbursts over small matters.
  • Overall disruption within family dynamics.
  • Changes in friend groups/having no plans with friends.
  • Withdrawn more than usual.
  • Not turning in assignments/drop in overall grades.

If your teenager is exhibiting any of these signs and your gut tells you something seems “off” it is time to find support.  Normal adolescent behavior vs. possible signs of a mood disorder can be determined by a mental health therapist.  

Working alongside families with teenagers is something I’m passionate about. Whether it is meeting with teens on an individual basis or providing additional education and resources for parents, I meet my clients where they are. Reach out today for afternoon and evening sessions.

Reach out today to book with Stacey!
 Written by: Stacey Shoemaker, LCSW
Relationships, Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

apologies

Apologies are a glue that helps hold relationships together.

No matter what kind of relationship it is, it’s only a matter of time before a misunderstanding occurs or one or both people make a mistake that leads to feelings of hurt.

Those feelings can be ignored, and issues can get swept under the rug in the name of keeping the peace, but in the long term, unaddressed problems tend to persist and show up again later down the road. Apologies open up a conversation. They give us the chance to genuinely reconnect, and in some cases even enhance connection.
 
The thing is apologizing can be hard. Especially if you’ve never seen a good model for what a healthy apology looks like, the very act can feel threatening.
 

It can be misconstrued as:

 
  • Declaring yourself inferior and the other person superior
  • Shame messages (Ex: “I’m a bad person.”)
  • Taking all the blame regardless of whether/how much you were in the wrong
  • Weakness
 
In reality, apologizing takes a lot of strength and courage. It’s a sign of responsibility and maturity. So, what does a healthy apology look like? Sometimes a simple “I’m sorry” gets the point across and both people come away content and ready to move on. However, some relationship ruptures are more serious. In those cases, a thoughtful apology can go a long way to rebuild trust.
 
 

Here are some tips:

 
1. State specifically what you’re sorry for. Ex: “I really regret (specific words/actions). It was wrong because…”
Remember: this isn’t the same as apologizing for your existence!
 
2. Validate the other person’s feelings. Ex: “I can understand if you feel (angry/hurt/sad/scared).”
 
3. Say what you’re willing do in the future to make things better or to prevent the same thing from happening again. You can also ask them for suggestions to consider. Ex: “Next time, I’ll do (specific actions) instead. Do you think that would help?”
 
4. Let them know if there’s anything you still need from them. Ex: “When you do (specific words/actions), I feel…”
 
5. Express care for the person and reaffirm your relationship. Ex: “I really value our relationship and want to make this work.”
 
This kind of apology balances respect for the other person with self-respect. It’s not the same as groveling or diminishing yourself, and it shows you’re capable of change, growth, and intimacy with others.
 
Even if you apologize well and sincerely, the other person may not always be in a place to accept your apology. You may not agree on what went wrong or what should be done about it. That’s okay. The apology is still important because of what it says about you and what you value. And in many cases, it’s a great way to lay a foundation for mutual appreciation, understanding, and reconciliation.
  Associated Media: More tips for starting difficult conversations and resolving conflicts: (click here)
 Written by: Summer Greenlee, LPC
Anxiety, Kids Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

strengthening the connection with your teen

Are you a parenting teen?

Navigating the teenage years can be a challenging yet transformative experience for both you and your teenager. As a psychotherapist who works with teenagers dealing with anxiety and trauma, I understand the importance of attunement in nurturing a healthy parent-teenager relationship. In this blog post, I’ll provide you with two concrete examples of how you can attune to your teenagers’ needs.

Example 1: Active Listening

Imagine your teenager comes home from school, visibly upset. They may have had a tough day dealing with academic pressures, social dynamics, or other challenges. Here’s how you can use active listening to attune to their emotions:

Create a Safe Space: Find a quiet, comfortable spot where you can talk without distractions. Let your teenager know you’re there to listen and support them.

Listen Actively: Pay full attention to what they’re saying. Maintain eye contact, nod, and use verbal cues like “I see” or “Tell me more” to show you’re engaged.

Avoid Judgment: Even if you don’t fully understand or agree with their perspective, refrain from passing judgment. This is a moment for them to express their feelings without fear of criticism.

Reflect Back: After they’ve shared, paraphrase what you’ve heard to ensure you understood correctly. For example, you could say, “It sounds like you had a tough time with your classmates today.”

By actively listening, you provide a safe and empathetic space for your teenager to express their emotions, fostering a stronger connection.

Example 2: Validation and Empathy

Teenagers often grapple with a range of emotions and self-discovery. Here’s how you can use validation and empathy to support them:

Acknowledge Their Feelings: When your teenager expresses their emotions, validate their feelings by saying something like, “I can see that you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”

Empathize with Their Experience: Share your understanding by saying, “I remember how tough it was when I was your age and dealing with similar situations.”

Avoid Minimizing or Dismissing: Refrain from saying things like, “It’s not a big deal” or “You’ll get over it.” Such responses can invalidate their emotions.

Offer Comfort: Sometimes, a simple, reassuring hug can convey your support and understanding when words may fall short.

By validating your teenager’s emotions and showing empathy, you let them know that their feelings are valid, which can significantly boost their self-esteem.

In conclusion, attuning to your teenagers is an essential aspect of nurturing a healthy parent-teenager relationship. By actively listening and validating their emotions, you create an environment where they feel heard and understood. Remember that it’s a continuous process, and building trust takes time. Be patient with yourself and your teenager as you work together to strengthen your connection.

Your role as a parent plays a crucial part in helping your teenager navigate the challenges of adolescence. Your attunement can provide them with the emotional support they need to cope with anxiety and trauma effectively, ultimately contributing to their sense of self-worth and well-being.

Keep these examples in mind as you continue your journey as a parent, and don’t hesitate to reach out for professional guidance if needed. Your commitment to attunement will make a significant difference in your teenager’s life.

Anxiety, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

anxiety and your teen

Anxiety, being a normal emotion, we all experience from time, has become a commonplace term within all families in our society today. The unfortunate reality is teenagers today are experiencing increased amounts of anxiety due to a variety of circumstances. Wading through the teenage years is challenging, and having a teen who struggles with anxiety adds yet another layer to the responsibility of being a wonderful parent.

So, how can I best support my teenager who is experiencing anxiety?

~Minimize extra-curricular activities.

Downtime is necessary and being bored is ok. Between play dates, carpool, soccer practice, grocery store, picking up a last-minute birthday gift, and dance class how do families find time to be together? Other than in the car.   If you find yourself out of breath, in a time crunch, losing your patience, volunteering for three committees at your child’s school, you name it…you are doing too much and so is your child. An over-scheduled child/teenager is an anxious one. Plain and simple. Attempt to let go of the parenting peer pressure of having your child in multiple activities/sports/groups. Placing limits will reduce anxiety for your entire family.

~Model self-care and healthy coping skills

Children and especially teenagers are watching you, listening to you and learning from you.  We all have bad days, say things we don’t mean, act immaturely, selfishly, etc. Acknowledging stress and taking time for yourself as a parent should not be an unusual occurrence within your home. If teenagers witness a parent experiencing something uncomfortable and then finding calm within that space- they learn resilience and gain understanding of how to navigate the ups and downs in life.

~ Create space for honest conversations.

First and foremost, be patient.  Teenagers tend to talk about things later at night and certainly not when they walk in the door from school! (Trust me, I am guilty of that one!). Another tip from personal experience: Have your teen’s friends over to hang out and eat snacks on a regular basis if possible.  I learned so many things while serving snacks and then cleaning my kitchen.  Sometimes I chimed in and was curious about their stories, other times I was just in the background slowly putting away clean dishes.  This is especially helpful when your teenager is not a talker; hearing about the daily drama in the life of a teenager is priceless.  It later opens doors from a parental perspective of “being in the know” or asking some follow up questions “how did that turn out? Or whatever happened with Kaeli and her boyfriend?”  Be aware: you may or may not get an answer.  No matter the outcome, you have shown your teen that you are available and possibly they may see you are not the dumbest parent on the planet!

~ Promote family time opportunities that reduce stress.

Weekly board game or movie night, work a puzzle, go for a walk together, volunteer in your community, make homemade pizzas or ice cream sundaes. Each of these examples increases “face time” which we so desperately need with each other. Teenagers may bawk at first; however, they will come around.  Spending 1-2 quality hours per week with family is not asking too much. Be intentional as a family, be selfish with your time together- you are making lasting and meaningful memories!

Lastly, if your teenager’s anxiety begins to affect your overall family dynamics, you notice their sleeping or eating habits change, grades in school decline etc. reach out for additional support.  Working alongside families with teenagers, meeting with teens on an individual basis, and providing additional education and resources is something I am passionate about. Reach out today for afternoon and evening sessions.
Anxiety, Parenting, Relationships, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

managing holiday expectations

The holiday season is here. The Holidays leave more opportunities for disappointment for unmet expectations than almost any other time of the year. 

This can be true for kids:  “That wasn’t the toy I asked Santa for”, “This toy looked so cool on you tube but it’s not fun in real life”, “My sister didn’t like the gift I worked hard to make”, “The adults lied about Santa”, etc.
This can be true for parents:  I worked so long to make Christmas special and instead we all have a stomach virus, I was so excited for my parents to visit, and they’ve done nothing but criticize us since they got here, I want to give my kids picture perfect holidays but we’re going to have to max out our credit cards to do it and the list goes on…
This can be true for couples:  People pressuring them to have a baby or even cracking jokes about why they don’t have kids or work less and enjoy their ‘empty nest’ since their kids went to college and the transition has been hard.
This can be true for single people:  Who are still relegated to the kid’s table or are pressured to be set up with Aunt Margie’s neighbor and whose offer to host a holiday isn’t taken seriously.
This can be true for college students and emerging adults: whose presence and views aren’t taken seriously yet again by those whose acceptance is personally important. Or they are suddenly categorized as ‘an adult’ for cooking or gift giving and they may not have the finances to be able to contribute like others do.
This can be true for those grieving a loss. They feel the reality that even in the most ‘Hallmark’ moments of the season your person who is missing is amplified and you feel like breaking down in the midst of the merriment.
In order to manage expectations:
1.  Fill your calendar intentionally. It is so easy to become overwhelmed and overscheduled this time of year. Make it a point as early as possible to put every holiday event or party on your calendar and to add in the appropriate time for tasks related to these events like cleaning, shopping, cooking/baking, gift-wrapping, commuting to and from these events, etc. so you have a more realistic picture of what you are committing to do. This will lead to a more calm and less stressed and resentful atmosphere overall because you have the resources to commit to the things you have agreed to do. 
2. Talk to the people in your life about what matters most to you and what matters most to them. Sometimes we do things because we’ve always done them when really the kids are bored by driving around looking at Christmas lights or because we think things are really important to our partner (like their company Holiday party, when actually, it doesn’t matter that much to them). If you or your family/partner are wanting to have a paired down holiday season this year or just to be more focused, intentionally making a prioritized list of all the events and then eliminating a select number can be a helpful process. 
3.  Have a script or answer for difficult questions or moments.
If you know you’re going to be facing the “When are y’all going to have a baby question” maybe you want a quippy boundary setter like, “Not in the next 9 months, I can tell you that!” or maybe you need to set a firmer line, “When and if I/we choose to have a baby is personal, please respect our privacy.”
4. Have built in quiet moments or self-care moments. 
Even the most laid-back person can become overwhelmed by the busy schedule, crowded parties, shops and traffic, the rich foods and constant barrage of holiday music. Make time to be in quiet spaces and to take care of yourself and your family in whatever way that looks like for you. 
5.  Focus on what you can do and make those things really fun. Some of the things we love are the big (expensive) events: great seats at the Nutcracker, a lavish Christmas dinner, ICE! at the Gaylord but some of the smaller events that pass us by are just as important if not more for our core memories. Making safganiyot (donuts for Hanukkah) with your kids using your Bubbe’s recipe, singing Silent Night at the candlelight service on Christmas eve, having a festive cocktail while you and your bestie wrap gifts for your families. 

The bottom line is the holidays can be just as memorable and perhaps even more so, when you intentionally choose how to spend your time, finances and emotional energy instead of over-scheduling and over-spending.  This provides more room for gratitude and peace and hopefully less room for burnout and disappointment.

Self-Care, Self-doubt, Uncategorized

am i too sensitive

Do you feel your emotions very deeply? Do you find yourself easily irritated or overstimulated by loud noises, certain textures, bright lights, or crowded rooms? Is your pain tolerance very low compared to those around you?

If your answer is yes to all the above, there’s a chance you may have what Dr. Elaine Aron refers to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity. In her book, “The Highly Sensitive Person,” she talks about research that’s shown a small proportion of the population is born with a higher level of sensitivity. That means these individuals have very finely tuned senses, enabling them to pick up a lot more information from the environment than others do. Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch – all are experienced at a higher intensity. Not only are these individuals more physically sensitive, but they also tend to enjoy deep emotional, relational, and spiritual experiences.
Heightened sensitivity can be very useful in many ways. It can allow you to connect more deeply with others, sense danger faster, observe details others miss, and find an abundance of fuel for meaningful creative expression. However, it can also have its downsides. Higher sensitivity can also mean it’s easier for you to feel overwhelmed by your surroundings – especially if they are noisy, crowded, and emotionally charged.
You may feel at times like you don’t belong, especially if you’re used to living in a family, community, or culture where the most prized characteristics are being physically tough and emotionally unaffected. You may feel pressured by others to change.
If you’re a highly sensitive person, you can’t change how your brain is wired. Sensitivity is not something you can just turn off. What you can do is learn how you best function and take care to prevent and manage the overwhelm that so often accompanies high sensitivity. To some extent, you can increase your tolerance to uncomfortable sensory experiences. But managing life as a highly sensitive person also means learning when you’ve pushed hard enough, and when it’s time to be gentle with yourself.
The highly sensitive person tends to appreciate the little things in life to a greater degree. A warm cup of your favorite tea, space to journal and self-reflect, a walk out in nature, time spent snuggling a pet – these kinds of things, when incorporated into your routine, can help tremendously when you’re feeling overwhelmed. The more time you get to fully recharge, the more time you can spend doing what you do best with the unique strengths you have as a highly sensitive person.
To take the highly sensitive person self-test, visit Dr. Elaine Aron’s website: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
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