Parenting

Parenting From a Place of Value

Parenting is difficult in every generation. Currently though, it is so hard because we are dealing with not only how our parents parented us, how our friends are parenting their kids, and what the latest parenting book says. We are also faced with how influencers on social media, experts on podcasts and literally every person we’ve met since high school (thank you social media) is handling every minute problem of parenting. There are so many voices and they all have an air of importance and authority. How can you know what is best for your family? How can you get off this wild carousel?

What about learning to parent from a place of personal values instead of peer pressure or indecisiveness?

Consider these questions and process them with your co-parent to identify your values:

  • Where do we spend the majority of our time and our money? When we have to choose between two important things, which one usually wins out?
  • If I have a day where I feel like a great mom/dad what have I spent the day focused on or what feedback did I get from my kids?
  • Whose approval really matters to me as a parent (note: not whose approval should matter or whose I wish matters but whose really does).
  • If I have a rough parenting day, when my head hits the pillow I think, “that was a dumpster fire of a day but I hope my kids still know__________________.”
  • Imagine that your child is a young adult coming home for a visit with the person they are seriously dating. You have some time alone with their significant other, and they say to you, “I’m grateful to be in a relationship with someone who (fill in the blank).” Try to come up with a list of at least three and no more than five things. It could be hardworking, empathetic listener, gracious with those in need, spiritually attuned, etc. Try to be as specific as you need to to identify what it will take to parent this kind of person. 

Once you identify your values, quiet the voices that go against your parenting values. This may mean unfollowing some social media accounts, taking certain books to the used book store for resale or repeating a mantra when your Aunt Karen gives you parenting advice that doesn’t fit for you. It could be something like, “We will parent from a place of value, not of pressure.”

If you need more help sorting through your value system in order to parent from a place of value consider seeing a therapist for parental coaching. If you have any questions about this topic, feel free to contact me (Kate) here at East Dallas Therapy!

Anxiety, Depression, Self-Care, Uncategorized

Our Nerves Are Fried

Our nerves are fried.


It’s been one of the most challenging years. We have faced a lifetime of ups and downs within the span of a few months. If you are squeezed in any one essential area of life it can feel like your whole foundation has been rocked. These essential areas are what we build our lives on: our financial security, our health, our close relationships, our view of God, our views of the world. They have been flipped on their heads during the pandemic.

And now we’re facing a second or third wave of COVID. Which brings a second or third wave of fear, anxiety, hyper-vigilance, outrage at our politics, and uncertainty about our future.
We’re all feeling it. 

Even in the middle of the fear though, we have to remember we’ve been here before. We learned some things the first time. If we hadn’t learned to cope with this the first time, we would still be curled up in a ball on the floor. Maybe we did curl up in a ball for a bit. But we figured out how to get back up. 

So I wonder, what helped you get back up? What fear did you learn to soothe? What white hot anxiety did you learn to abate? Remembering that can help you this time. 

I think it has something to do with bringing your attention to what you can control. For me it’s this belief: If my family, my kids, my garden, and my dog are here with me, I’m ok. I can be ok when the world is not ok.

I can be ok when the world is not ok.

It could be this: 
Other’s judgements and opinions have nothing to do with me. I don’t have to doubt my decisions because someone else does.

I don’t have to doubt my decisions just because someone else does.

Parenting, postpartum, Self-Care

3 Things to Remember as Your Kids Get Back to School

By Morgan Myers, LPC therapist to burned out mamas (read more about Morgan here)

1. Your kids are as anxious as you are!

We’re all anxious as we think about the risks of returning to school during a pandemic! The visual of walking up to your kids school, everyone in a mask, no one social distancing, germs, and coughing and all of it! It’s overwhelming! Your kids are taking in all of that too. They are processing the fact that they haven’t been in a classroom for 6 months. We all know what our anxiety feels and looks like. Kid’s anxiety can look like:

  • Whining and complaining
  • Fixating on the plan and the variables
  • Wanting to escape
  • Getting aggressive
  • Extra tired
  • Overly emotional
  • Bigger fits and meltdowns

2. Your kids NEED socialization

Whether you’ve decided to send your kids back in person or keeping them home until the risk lessens, we’re all having to juggle all of our kid’s needs. Obviously their physical health is really important, but consider their emotional health and social development. In case you’re feeling guilty about planning play dates, or getting them back in school, they will benefit from being with other kids. Their brains need to be reminded about social skills, self-control in the classroom, not being bossy (speaking from experience!), learning competence, etc etc. So as their parent, remember not to leave out this aspect of their little bodies and brains! It’s easy to focus on the physical risks, but there are benefits to being around other kids too!

3. In light of all of this above, be kind to your self and show your kids some grace.

We’re all taking in A LOT of change right now! Our lives are almost unrecognizable from what it was this time last year. So show yourself some grace, and when your kid is balling on the floor, or whining for another snack, or trying to control the outcome of everything, give them some grace too. This is how kids respond to situations out of their control (and I would guess its the way we respond to situations out of our control too).

For more on parenting and motherhood, check out my side project @Motherlift on instagram.

Contact
Sign up to receive occasional, useful information about our workshops and open appointments.
Get Our Emails
Recent Posts